Have you ever felt awkward or stuck in a small talk conversation?
I know I have. For years, I thought small talk was just something you either had a knack for or didn’t. But the truth is, it’s a skill—one that anyone can improve with a little practice and awareness.
What I’ve learned is that being good at small talk isn’t just about knowing what to say—it’s also about recognizing what not to do. Certain behaviors can kill the flow of a conversation, making it feel forced, uncomfortable, or even end abruptly.
Today, we’re diving into seven common behaviors that could be holding you back. Letting go of even a few of these can make a noticeable difference in your ability to connect with others effortlessly.
Let’s get started!
1) Talking too much about yourself
Small talk isn’t about showcasing your achievements, it’s about building connections. But if you’re constantly dominating the conversation and making it about yourself, you’re not really connecting, are you?
Think about it. Have you ever been stuck in a conversation with someone who just wouldn’t stop talking about themselves? It’s exhausting, right?
This is widely acknowledged as a pretty irritating behavior. For instance, a survey by Money Penny found dominating the conversation to be the fourth most annoying behavior in virtual meetings.
The beauty of small talk is in the exchange. It’s about learning a little bit about the other person and sharing a little bit about yourself in return. It’s not a platform for a monologue about your life.
2) Not actively listening
I’ll admit it: I’ve been guilty of this one. We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of a conversation, the other person is talking, but instead of really listening, you’re busy planning your next response in your head.
I remember once, I was at a networking event and I met this woman who was talking about her recent trip to Japan. Instead of really listening and engaging with her travel stories, I was busy thinking about my own experiences and how I could relate them to hers.
This is pretty common, too. As author, Jim Rohn once noted, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Anyway, what I realized later is that by not actively listening, by not listening to understand, I missed out on really connecting with her.
Trust me, if you want to improve your small talk skills almost instantly, work on your active listening. Pay attention to what the other person is saying and respond based on their input, not just your own thoughts or experiences.
3) Being too negative
This is a big one.
We all have our gripes, our pet peeves, and our bad days. But if you’re constantly bringing negative energy into your conversations, it’s going to be hard for people to enjoy chatting with you.
Negativity can drain the energy from a conversation faster than you can say “Monday blues”. People generally prefer to engage with those who are positive and uplifting.
Small talk is meant to be light and enjoyable. Keep the heavy stuff for deeper conversations.
4) Not using the person’s name
This might seem oddly specific, but it’s one of the simplest and most effective ways to make a positive impression—especially in small talk with someone you’ve just met.
Renowned author Dale Carnegie once wrote, “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” And he was absolutely right. Using someone’s name not only helps you remember it but also makes the other person feel valued and acknowledged.
Think about it: how do you feel when someone uses your name in conversation? It creates a sense of connection, doesn’t it? On the flip side, if someone forgets your name or doesn’t bother to use it, it can make the interaction feel impersonal or even dismissive.
When you meet someone new, make an effort to remember their name and sprinkle it naturally into the conversation. For example, instead of saying, “That’s a great point,” you could say, “That’s a great point, Sarah.”
This small habit can have a big impact on how others perceive you. It shows attentiveness and care—two key ingredients for great small talk.
5) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact can be a tricky thing. Too much, and it can feel uncomfortable. Too little, and you risk appearing disinterested or disconnected.
I remember when I first started out in my career, I had a habit of looking everywhere but at the person I was speaking to. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my lack of eye contact was probably making my conversations seem less engaging and sincere.
Eye contact is a powerful way to show that you’re present and interested in what the other person is saying. It’s a non-verbal cue that can significantly enhance your small talk skills.
Do you find yourself constantly looking away during conversations? Try to consciously make more eye contact. It might feel awkward at first, but with practice, it can become a natural part of your communication style.
6) Using closed body language
Body language speaks volumes. In fact some experts say that a whopping 55% of our communication is nonverbal.
If you’re crossing your arms, or turning your body away from the person you’re speaking with, you might be sending signals that you’re not interested or open to conversation.
Open body language, on the other hand, can make your small talk more engaging and inviting. This means facing the person you’re talking to, maintaining eye contact, and using gestures that show you’re engaged in the conversation.
7) Not showing genuine interest
At the heart of small talk is genuine interest.
People can tell when you’re just going through the motions. And they’ll respond by disengaging from the conversation.
Showing genuine interest isn’t hard. It’s about asking thoughtful questions, actively listening to the responses, and responding in a way that shows you’re engaged and interested.
This is the cornerstone of good small talk. If you can master this, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a small talk superstar.
The heart of the matter
Small talk doesn’t have to feel awkward or forced.
By letting go of these habits—talking too much about yourself, not actively listening, being negative, avoiding eye contact, or using closed body language—you can instantly improve your conversations and build stronger connections.
Remember, small talk is about creating a comfortable, engaging exchange. With a little awareness and effort, you can turn even the simplest chats into meaningful interactions.
Start practicing today—you might be surprised at how quickly you see a difference!
