We all want to be the kind of person others miss when we’re not around—that one friend, family member, or colleague who brings something special to every interaction.
But let’s be real, that doesn’t happen by accident. It’s shaped by the way we behave and how we make people feel when we’re with them.
Unfortunately, certain behaviors can have the opposite effect, making people less likely to seek out our company.
The good news? These habits aren’t permanent. With a little reflection and effort, you can let go of the traits that push others away and create deeper, more meaningful connections.
Here are seven behaviors to say goodbye to if you want to be someone people genuinely enjoy and miss when you’re not around.
1) Being self-centered
It’s not a secret that nobody enjoys the company of a person who only talks about themselves.
We all have those people in our lives who just can’t seem to get enough of their own voice. Their stories, their achievements, their problems. It’s always about them.
This behavior can be exhausting for those around. It makes people feel unheard and unimportant. And that’s not the kind of feeling that makes people seek your company.
If you want people to enjoy your presence and miss you when you’re not around, it’s crucial to show genuine interest in others. Ask them about their day, their dreams, their worries. Give them space to express themselves.
Remember, a conversation is a two-way street. So, make sure you’re not the only one driving.
This brings me to the next point…
2) Failing to listen
If there’s one thing that’s absolutely critical to making people seek your company, it’s the ability to listen. Truly listen. Not just waiting for your turn to speak, but genuinely paying attention to what the other person is saying.
Listening shows that you value the other person’s thoughts and feelings. It makes them feel understood and appreciated. And these are the feelings that make people want to spend more time with you.
The next time you’re in a conversation, try to really focus on what the other person is saying. Ask follow-up questions, show empathy, and give them your undivided attention.
It might seem simple, but it can make a world of difference.
3) Negativity
I remember a time when I myself was full of negativity. The slightest things would tick me off, and no matter what was going on, I always found a way to see the worst in it.
And, truth be told, it was pushing people away.
People naturally gravitate towards positivity. We all have enough struggles and stresses in our lives, and adding a constant stream of negativity to the mix can be overwhelming.
I realized this when my friends started avoiding me. They stopped inviting me to hang out and I could feel them pulling away. It was a wakeup call.
So I made a conscious effort to change. Instead of focusing on the negatives, I started looking for the positives. I made it a point to share uplifting thoughts and stories with my friends.
It wasn’t easy, and it took time. But slowly, I noticed a change. People started seeking my company again. They appreciated my new positive outlook and it made our interactions more enjoyable.
So if you’re always seeing the glass half empty, maybe it’s time for a perspective shift. Trust me, it makes all the difference.
4) Lack of mindfulness
We live in a fast-paced world, and it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle.
But when we’re constantly rushing from one thing to the next, we miss out on the present moment.
And believe it or not, people notice this. It can come off as being distracted or disinterested, which isn’t exactly appealing.
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and engaged in whatever you’re doing at the moment. It’s about noticing the details, listening attentively, and genuinely engaging with people and experiences.
In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I talk about how mindfulness can transform your relationships. When you’re fully present with someone, they feel seen and valued. And that’s a feeling people want more of.
So if you find yourself constantly multitasking or daydreaming during conversations, it might be time to slow down and focus on the now. Your relationships will thank you for it.
5) Being judgmental
Nobody likes feeling like they’re under a microscope every time they’re around you. If you’re quick to criticize, even with the best intentions, people will start to feel like they can’t truly be themselves.
And honestly, who wants to hang out with someone who makes them feel like they’re on trial for their every choice?
Sure, you might think you’re just “helping” or “being honest,” but constant judgment comes across as nitpicky and exhausting.
As psychologist Dana Harron points out, “Judgmentalism destroys relationships. If you are better than someone, you are apart from them. You are above them, not beside them—and so nobody is beside you.”
If you want people to enjoy your company, let them live their lives without running everything through your personal approval filter.
Instead, embrace an open mind and practice empathy. It can lead to richer, more diverse interactions and relationships.
Understanding that everyone has their unique journey and perspective allows us to connect on a deeper level. It also helps to create an atmosphere of acceptance and respect where people feel comfortable and valued.
6) Always agreeing
It might seem counter-intuitive, but always agreeing with others can actually push them away, too.
Sure, it’s comfortable to always be on the same page and avoid conflict. But it can also come across as insincere or even boring.
People appreciate authenticity. They value individuals who can stand up for their own ideas and beliefs, even if they differ from theirs. It adds depth to conversations and makes interactions more engaging.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should disagree for the sake of disagreement. The key is to express your own opinions respectfully and constructively.
So next time you find yourself nodding along just to keep the peace, take a moment.
If you have a different perspective, don’t be afraid to share it. It might just make your interactions more meaningful and memorable.
7) Not respecting boundaries
Respecting other people’s boundaries is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. Whether it’s personal space, time, or emotional boundaries, overstepping can make people uncomfortable and cause them to pull away.
We all have our limits and preferences. Some of us might need more personal space, some might value their alone time more than others, and some might not be comfortable discussing certain topics.
Recognizing and respecting these boundaries shows that you care about the other person’s comfort and well-being. It creates a safe environment where people feel respected and valued.
So always make sure to be mindful of other people’s boundaries. If you’re unsure, it’s always better to ask than to assume. It shows consideration and respect, which are qualities people appreciate in a companion.
Wrapping up
At the end of the day, being someone people seek out and miss when you’re not around comes down to how you make them feel.
Letting go of these behaviors that push others away and focusing on fostering genuine, positive interactions can help you build relationships that are deeper and more meaningful.
In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve deeper into how mindfulness can help us foster these essential connections. By being present and truly listening, we can create connections that are more profound and rewarding.
