There’s a fine line between loyalty and self-sacrifice.
Loyalty is often seen as a virtue, but when it keeps you trapped in a toxic relationship, it can be more of a curse.
As a psychologist, I’ve noticed certain traits that are common among women who tend to stay in unhealthy relationships longer than they should. These women are fiercely loyal, sometimes to their own detriment.
In this article, I’ll be sharing ten of these traits to help you understand why some women find it so hard to leave toxic relationships.
Let’s get started.
1) Fear of the Unknown
In my experience as a psychologist, I’ve found that one of the most common traits among women who stay in toxic relationships is fear of the unknown.
The fear of uncertainty, change, and what life might look like outside of their current relationship often keeps women stuck in unhealthy situations. It’s a psychological phenomenon that affects many aspects of our lives but can be particularly potent in relationships.
Leaving a toxic relationship demands stepping into the unknown, which can be terrifying. Even when the known is unhealthy or harmful, it can feel safer simply because it’s familiar.
Recognizing this fear is often the first step towards overcoming it. It’s about understanding that this fear is a natural human response to uncertainty, but it shouldn’t be the factor that holds you back from a healthier and happier life.
Every big change in life starts with a leap into the unknown. And sometimes, that leap can lead to a much better place.
2) Strong Sense of Duty
Something I’ve personally noticed in many of my clients who tend to stay in harmful relationships is the overwhelming sense of duty.
Let me share a personal story. I had a client named Lisa. Lisa was an incredibly loyal woman and she often talked about how she felt it was her duty to help her partner, even when he was clearly taking advantage of her kindness.
She believed that love meant standing by your partner no matter what. This sense of duty kept her entrenched in a relationship that was clearly detrimental to her mental and emotional health.
But it’s important to remember that loyalty should never come at the cost of your own well-being. It’s okay to put your own health and happiness first. In fact, it’s necessary. As I eventually helped Lisa realize, there’s a big difference between loyalty and self-sacrifice.
3) Low Self-esteem
Low self-esteem is another trait I’ve often observed in women who stay in toxic relationships. The harsh reality is that a person’s perception of their own worth can greatly influence the type of relationships they maintain.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with low self-esteem tend to doubt their partner’s love and, as a result, end up behaving in ways that push their partners away. This cycle can trap individuals in a pattern of toxic relationships.
Understanding and addressing self-esteem issues is crucial in breaking this cycle. The journey towards self-love can be a long one, but it’s the foundation on which healthy relationships are built.
4) History of Unhealthy Relationships
Past relationships often set the tone for future ones. Women who have a history of unhealthy relationships are more likely to stay in toxic ones in the future. This is because these patterns of interaction and expectations become normalized over time.
It’s like walking down a well-trodden path. The more you walk it, the more ingrained it becomes, and the harder it is to stray from it.
However, understanding these patterns is a significant step towards breaking them. With time, perseverance, and possibly professional help, it’s entirely possible to forge a new path and create healthier relationships.
5) Empathy to a Fault
Empathy is a beautiful trait. It allows us to connect with others on a deep level and foster meaningful relationships. However, when empathy is excessive, it can trap women in toxic relationships.
Women who are highly empathetic often put themselves in their partner’s shoes to such an extent that they excuse harmful behavior. They may justify their partner’s actions due to their difficult past or current struggles.
While empathy is a virtue, it’s crucial to maintain boundaries and ensure that empathy doesn’t become self-destructive. It’s important to remember that everyone is responsible for their actions, and no amount of empathy should condone toxicity or abuse.
6) Fear of Being Alone
The fear of being alone can be a powerful motivator to stay in a toxic relationship. The thought of facing life without a partner, even a toxic one, can feel overwhelming.
I’ve seen women cling to harmful relationships because they believe it’s better than being alone. They choose the pain they know over the fear of the pain they don’t.
But here’s the heartfelt truth – being alone is not synonymous with loneliness. Choosing solitude over a toxic relationship is choosing self-respect, self-love, and the opportunity to heal and grow. Sometimes, it’s in our moments of solitude that we truly find ourselves and understand what we want from life and relationships.
7) Tendency to Internalize Blame
One thing that I’ve personally struggled with, and I see in many women who stay in toxic relationships, is the tendency to internalize blame. It’s this insidious thought pattern where we believe that we are the problem, and if only we could change or be better, things would improve.
This was something I grappled with in my early 20s. I found myself in a relationship where no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to improve. But instead of recognizing the toxic behavior of my partner, I blamed myself.
The reality is, no one is perfect. But in a healthy relationship, flaws or disagreements are worked through with mutual respect and understanding, not used as ammunition for blame or manipulation. Recognizing this can be a crucial turning point in breaking free from a toxic relationship.
8) High Tolerance for Pain
While it might seem surprising, a high tolerance for emotional pain is often found in women who stay in toxic relationships. This isn’t about physical toughness, but rather an emotional resilience that can actually keep them stuck in harmful situations.
They’ve become so used to enduring emotional distress that they almost don’t notice it anymore. It’s like a background noise they’ve learned to live with.
But here’s the twist – this resilience, this ability to handle pain, can be an incredible strength when directed towards healing and growth instead of just endurance. It’s about recognizing that you deserve more than just getting by, you deserve to thrive.
9) Belief in Their Partner’s Potential
Another trait common among women who stay in toxic relationships is an unwavering belief in their partner’s potential. They see the person their partner could be rather than the person they actually are.
They hold onto the hope that with enough love, patience, and support, their partner will change. But change is a personal journey that can’t be forced or rushed by another person.
It’s important to remember that a relationship should not be based on potential, but on the present reality. Love should be given freely, not with the expectation of creating change. Accepting someone as they are is crucial in any relationship, and so is accepting when a relationship is harmful to your well-being.
10) Lack of Self-care
The most important thing to understand about women who stay in toxic relationships is that they often neglect self-care. They’re so focused on caring for their partner, fixing the relationship, or dealing with the fallout of their partner’s actions, that they forget to take care of themselves.
But self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about setting boundaries, advocating for your needs, and taking time to nurture your mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s about recognizing that you are important and deserving of care and respect.
Self-care is not selfish. It’s necessary. And sometimes, it’s the first step towards breaking free from a toxic relationship and moving towards a healthier, happier life.
