As a child, it’s critical to feel loved, secure, and nurtured.
Sadly, these vital elements may be missing if you grew up with a parent who had a personality disorder. You might have felt perpetually on edge, confused, or even scared.
A parent with a personality disorder can be unpredictable, emotionally volatile, and sometimes even abusive.
This behavior isn’t just the occasional bad day; it’s persistent and pervasive.
Over time, growing up in such an environment can leave lasting psychological impacts.
Recognizing the signs can be tricky, especially when you’ve normalized such behaviour from a young age.
In this article, we delve into eight signs that you may have had a parent with a personality disorder, as identified by psychology.
1) Unpredictable mood swings
Growing up with a parent who had a personality disorder often means dealing with sudden and extreme mood swings.
One moment, your parent might’ve been loving, attentive, and engaging.
Then, without warning or apparent reason, they’d transform into someone cold, irritable or even hostile.
This unpredictability is not the normal ups and downs most parents experience.
It’s more chaotic, more extreme and can leave you constantly walking on eggshells.
You may have found yourself perpetually trying to gauge their mood or preemptively modifying your behavior in an attempt to avoid or mitigate their outbursts.
This constant anxiety and fear of triggering a negative reaction can be a clear sign of growing up in an unstable environment.
2) Lack of empathy
A hallmark sign of growing up with a parent with a personality disorder is their lack of empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a fundamental part of human interaction, and it’s crucial in a parent-child relationship.
With a personality-disordered parent, you might’ve noticed their inability to empathize with your feelings or experiences.
They might have disregarded your emotions or invalidated your experiences. Whether you were excited about a school achievement or upset about a friend’s betrayal, they might not have shown any genuine interest or concern.
This persistent lack of empathy can make you feel misunderstood, unimportant, and emotionally neglected.
3) Excessive admiration
While it might seem counterintuitive, an excessive need for admiration can also be a sign of a parent with a personality disorder.
Growing up, your parent might’ve seemed excessively focused on their image and how others perceive them.
They might have insisted on being the center of attention, constantly seeking praise, or becoming easily upset if they didn’t receive the recognition they felt they deserved.
Instead of promoting your independence or individuality, they might’ve encouraged behaviors or achievements that reflected positively on them.
This excessive need for admiration can create an imbalanced relationship where your needs and feelings are overshadowed by their desires for approval and attention.
4) Verbal abuse
It’s painful to admit, but verbal abuse is often a grim reality when growing up with a parent who has a personality disorder.
Their words could cut like a knife, leaving you feeling unworthy, unloved, or constantly at fault. You might’ve been constantly criticized, belittled, or even publicly humiliated.
These words weren’t just occasional outbursts of frustration – they were consistent and destructive.
The impact of verbal abuse can run deep, leaving you to grapple with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and feelings of worthlessness well into adulthood.
5) Inconsistent boundaries
Having a parent with a personality disorder often entails dealing with inconsistent boundaries.
One day, they might’ve been overly intrusive, prying into your personal life, reading your diary, or demanding to know every detail about your day.
The next day, they might’ve been entirely distant, disinterested in your experiences, or neglectful of your basic needs.
This inconsistency can be confusing and hurtful. It can leave you unsure of where you stand and can foster feelings of insecurity and instability.
Please remember, it’s not your fault, and it’s completely normal to feel confused or upset by this behavior.
Establishing consistent and respectful boundaries is an essential part of a healthy parent-child relationship – something that wasn’t in your control as a child.
6) Constant chaos
Life with a parent who has a personality disorder can often feel like you’re living in a whirlwind of constant chaos.
Your home environment might have been marred by regular arguments, sudden changes, or unexpected crises – often over seemingly minor issues.
Plans might’ve been cancelled last minute, routines disrupted, and promises broken.
This kind of unpredictable lifestyle can be exhausting and stressful. You might’ve sought solace in books, music, or friendships – anything to escape the storm at home.
And if this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many people experience this tumultuous upbringing and it’s okay to seek support and help to navigate these complex emotions.
7) The chameleon parent
Ever felt like your parent could’ve won an Oscar for their acting skills? Welcome to the club!
A parent with a personality disorder can often come across as a chameleon, changing their personality, attitudes, or beliefs based on who they’re interacting with.
One moment they might be the life of the party, charming and engaging with everyone. The next moment, behind closed doors, they might become cold, dismissive or even aggressive.
This dramatic shift can be baffling and unsettling. But on the bright side, you probably developed a keen sense for authenticity and a low tolerance for hypocrisy – both valuable traits in life!
8) Emotional blackmail
Let’s not sugarcoat it: growing up with a parent who has a personality disorder often involves emotional blackmail.
Your parent might’ve used guilt, manipulation, or threats to control you or get what they wanted.
They might’ve made you feel responsible for their happiness, or they might’ve threatened to withdraw love or approval if you didn’t meet their expectations.
This is not okay. It’s manipulative and damaging. Remember, you are not responsible for their emotions or actions.
You have the right to make your own choices without being controlled by fear, obligation, or guilt. It’s tough, but knowing this truth is crucial for your own emotional health and independence.
Reflections and moving forward
Recognizing the signs of growing up with a personality-disordered parent is a courageous first step towards healing and understanding.
The experiences you’ve had have likely left a profound impact on your life, and it’s okay to feel a plethora of emotions about it.
Remember, the issues that stem from your upbringing are not a reflection of your worth but rather the consequences of your parent’s disorder.
You are not alone in this journey, and seeking professional help can be a transformative step in processing your past and navigating your future.
In moving forward, it’s essential to remember that you have the power to break this cycle. You can choose a different path – one of understanding, empathy, and love.
This article isn’t meant to diagnose your parent or assign blame, but rather to shed light on patterns that might’ve caused pain or confusion in your life.
The journey towards understanding and healing can be tough but remember, you’re stronger than you think, and you’re deserving of love, respect, and kindness – always.
