In relationships, we all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies. But there’s a world of difference between quirky and outright spoiled.
Being in a relationship with a spoiled brat can feel like negotiating with a temperamental toddler. It’s all about their needs, their wants, their agenda.
And if you’re not careful, you might find yourself bending over backwards to accommodate them, while your own needs take the backseat.
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I can tell you that spotting a spoiled brat isn’t always easy.
They can be charming, persuasive, and even affectionate when it suits them. But with a little help from psychology, there are clear signs that you’re dating one.
So grab your detective hat and let’s dive into these 8 signs. Buckle up, it might be a bumpy ride!
1) “Me” over “We”
Navigating relationships is a balancing act.
The scales can sometimes tip in favor of one party, but a healthy relationship is largely about give and take, about mutual respect and reciprocation.
However, if you’re with a spoiled brat, you might notice the scales are perpetually skewed.
It’s all about them – their needs, their wants, their happiness.
Psychologically speaking, this kind of self-centeredness is a hallmark of spoiled behavior.
They view the world through a lens that places them at the center of everything.
This isn’t to say they’re incapable of caring for others. It’s just that their needs often take precedence, and they’ll expect you to adjust accordingly.
If your partner’s favorite pronoun seems to be “me” rather than “we”, it might be the first sign you’re dating a spoiled brat.
Keep an eye out for this red flag, but remember – one sign doesn’t make a diagnosis.
2) Throwing tantrums
We’ve all seen it at the supermarket – a child throwing a tantrum because they aren’t getting their way.
It’s an unfortunate scene, but it’s expected from a toddler, not so much from your partner.
If your significant other’s default reaction to not getting their way is throwing a fit or resorting to emotional manipulation, you might be dealing with a spoiled brat.
They’re used to having their way and they’ll use any tool at their disposal to achieve it.
I’ve worked with couples where one partner would sulk, shout, or even give the silent treatment when things didn’t go their way.
It’s not a healthy way to communicate, and certainly not the foundation for a strong relationship.
As the legendary Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Whenever your partner’s tantrums are more than just an occasional outburst, it’s time to take notice and address the issue.
We are all entitled to express our emotions, but it’s how we do it that defines us.
3) Lack of empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a crucial ingredient in any successful relationship.
It’s the glue that binds two people together, allowing them to connect on a deep emotional level.
If you’re in a relationship with a spoiled brat, you might notice a distinct lack of empathy. Everything is about them and their feelings, with little or no regard for yours.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how this lack of empathy can lead to an unhealthy codependency.
If your partner is unable to empathize with your feelings, it could be a sign that you’re dealing with a spoiled brat.
Your feelings matter too. They should be acknowledged and respected in any healthy relationship.
Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise!
4) Overly charming
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. Aren’t charming people a delight to be around? Well, yes and no.
Spoiled brats can often be very charming – when they want to be. They know how to turn on the charm to get what they want, and turn it off just as quickly once they have it.
This charm offensive can be intoxicating, making you overlook their less savory traits. But remember, charm should not be confused with genuine kindness and respect.
If you notice your partner to be all charm and no substance, or if their charisma seems to come with an on-off switch, it might be a sign that you’re in a relationship with a spoiled brat.
It’s crucial to look beyond the surface and assess whether their actions align with their words.
You might be dealing with a master manipulator instead of a genuine partner.
5) Inability to handle criticism
We all stumble, we all falter, and yes, we all make mistakes. But it’s how we react to these mistakes, and the criticism that might follow, that defines our character.
In my years advising couples, I’ve noticed that those with a spoiled brat for a partner often tread on eggshells when it comes to criticism.
These individuals are so accustomed to praise and having their way that any form of critique is met with defensiveness or outright denial.
A constructive critique should be seen as an opportunity for growth and development, not as a personal attack. But for a spoiled brat, it’s often interpreted as the latter.
If you catch your partner reacting poorly to criticism, no matter how gently you put it across, you might be dealing with someone who’s more accustomed to being pampered than being held accountable.
Growth lies in our ability to accept our flaws and work on them, not in denying their existence!
6) Unreasonable expectations
Let’s get real for a moment. No relationship is perfect. No partner is perfect. We all come with our baggage, our flaws, and our quirks.
But a spoiled brat often operates under the illusion of perfection.
They have a set of expectations – about you, about the relationship, about life itself – that are unrealistically high and often inflexible.
They expect you to bend over backwards to accommodate their needs while showing little willingness to compromise themselves.
They might demand constant attention, lavish gifts or insist on having things done their way, all the time.
These unreasonable expectations can be exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s like being in a race where the finish line keeps moving further away.
It might be time to ask yourself if you’re in a relationship with a spoiled brat.
Keep in mind, love should not be an endless chase; it should be a journey that you undertake together, with mutual respect and understanding.
7) They’re never wrong
In my years of advising couples, one thing has become clear: a relationship is a partnership, not a competition. There’s no room for ego battles.
But if you’re with a spoiled brat, you might find that every disagreement turns into a contest where they must come out on top.
They have an uncanny ability to twist facts, shift blame, and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They’re never wrong, or so they believe.
Admitting mistakes requires humility and courage. But for a spoiled brat, their ego often gets in the way.
As the great Albert Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
Bear in mind: it’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to make mistakes. What’s not okay is refusing to learn and grow from them.
8) No respect for boundaries
In any relationship, respect for personal boundaries is paramount. These boundaries help maintain your individuality, your self-respect, and your mental peace.
But a spoiled brat often has little regard for these boundaries.
They might invade your personal space, disregard your feelings, or dismiss your needs with a shocking lack of empathy.
They believe their needs, desires, and whims should always take precedence over yours.
And when you try to establish boundaries, they might react with anger, guilt-trips, or emotional manipulation.
Such blatant disregard for your personal boundaries is not just disrespectful, it’s emotionally abusive.
It’s a raw and honest sign that you’re in a relationship with a spoiled brat.
Respect is the cornerstone of any relationship. Stand up for yourself, because you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
Final thoughts
Navigating the complexities of a relationship with a spoiled brat can be challenging. But recognizing these signs is the first step toward addressing the issue.
Remember, it’s not about blaming but understanding. Everyone has room for growth and change, even those who seem stubbornly stuck in their ways.
If you recognize these signs in your relationship and are seeking guidance, I invite you to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
It’s packed with practical advice on setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and building healthier relationships.
Never forget that you deserve a relationship that’s founded on mutual respect, understanding, and love.
Don’t settle for anything less.
