Navigating the terrain of a relationship can be a tricky business, especially when you’re trying to understand if your partner is a narcissist.
Ah, narcissism. It’s a term that’s tossed around casually, but its implications in a relationship can be far from casual.
It’s about manipulations, subtle digs, and cleverly disguised put-downs that can slowly chip away at your self-esteem.
I’ve been there, trying to make sense of those confusing behaviors that can leave you questioning your own sanity.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 9 subtle things a narcissistic partner will do to get under your skin.
1) They subtly undermine your achievements
In the world of a narcissist, it’s all about them.
Now, this isn’t to say that they’ll outright belittle your accomplishments.
No, they’re more cunning than that.
A narcissistic partner might resort to downplaying your achievements, or shifting the focus back to themselves. It’s a subtle way of undermining your success and making you question your worth.
For instance, you might share news about a promotion at work, expecting shared joy. Instead, your partner responds with a dismissive “Oh, that’s nice” before launching into a long-winded monologue about their day.
These unsettling interactions can leave you feeling unappreciated and invisible.
Remember, this behavior is about them, not you. Their inability to celebrate others’ successes stems from their own insecurities. It’s a classic narcissistic tactic: if they can make you feel small, it helps them feel bigger.
2) They use gaslighting to manipulate you
Ever heard of gaslighting?
It’s a term that’s been thrown around a lot in psychological circles and for a good reason.
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation where the manipulator makes you question your own perception of reality.
Sounds confusing? Let me explain.
Say, for example, you confront your partner about something they said that upset you. Instead of addressing the issue, they might turn it around and insist that you’re misremembering or blowing things out of proportion.
Over time, this can make you question your own memory and judgment, leaving you feeling confused and unsure of yourself.
And here’s the kicker: this is precisely what the narcissistic partner wants. By making you doubt your own perceptions, they gain more control over you. It’s a chillingly effective tactic, isn’t it?
3) They exhibit a strange form of kindness
Oddly enough, it’s not all about manipulative mind games with a narcissistic partner.
Sometimes, they can be incredibly kind and generous.
However, this isn’t your garden-variety kindness.
Here’s why: their acts of generosity are often calculated and self-serving, designed to make you feel indebted to them.
For instance, they might shower you with lavish gifts or go out of their way to help you. But when the time comes, they’ll use these ‘kind’ acts as leverage, reminding you of how much they’ve done for you.
This might seem counter-intuitive given the psychological warfare we’ve discussed like gaslighting. But remember, it’s all part of the same strategy: control.
In the twisted world of a narcissist, kindness isn’t about genuine care or empathy. It’s just another tool in their arsenal to manipulate and maintain dominance over you.
4) They have a constant need for admiration
Ever feel like you’re constantly stroking your partner’s ego?
A narcissistic partner has an insatiable need for admiration and approval. They feed off compliments and validation to boost their self-esteem and validate their self-worth.
It’s not just about receiving occasional praise. It’s more like a constant demand for adoration, almost as if they’re addicted to it.
You might find yourself always having to reassure them, praise them, or make them feel special. Fail to do so, and they might react with anger, disappointment, or sulking.
This is because, at their core, narcissists are deeply insecure. They use the admiration of others as a way to cover up their own feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.
5) They play the victim card
With a narcissistic partner, it’s always someone else’s fault. They have an uncanny ability to play the victim, no matter what the situation.
Here’s what that might look like:
- They never accept responsibility for their actions.
- They blame you for their mistakes and failures.
- They spin narratives to make themselves look like the misunderstood hero.
This victim-playing is more than just avoiding accountability. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to elicit sympathy and divert attention away from their own shortcomings.
These behaviours can leave you feeling guilty and apologetic, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a twisted game where you end up shouldering the blame while they walk off scot-free.
6) They engage in one-upmanship
In my experience, a narcissistic partner has a constant need to be the best.
And I’m not just talking about healthy competition here. It’s a compulsive need to always come out on top, no matter what the situation.
Have you ever shared a personal story or achievement, only to have your partner immediately counter with something they’ve done that’s supposedly bigger or better?
That’s one-upmanship.
Let’s say you’ve had a challenging day at work and you’re sharing your experience. Instead of offering support or empathy, your partner counters with their own ‘worse’ workday story.
This isn’t about sharing experiences or empathizing. It’s about them asserting dominance and reinforcing their superiority.
We often dismiss these instances as harmless bragging, but let me assure you, it’s more than that. It’s a subtle way for a narcissist to belittle your experiences and make themselves feel superior.
7) They give you the silent treatment
Picture this: you’ve had a disagreement with your partner. Instead of addressing the issue, they retreat into silence, refusing to engage in any conversation or even acknowledge your presence.
Sound familiar?
This is a classic move in a narcissist’s playbook: the silent treatment. It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to make you feel guilty or anxious.
Why are they ignoring me? What did I do wrong? You might find yourself plagued by such questions, desperately trying to resolve the issue.
But here’s the catch – it’s not about resolving conflicts. It’s about control. By withholding communication, they make you feel insecure and desperate for their approval.
8) They exploit your insecurities
A narcissistic partner has a knack for knowing exactly where your insecurities lie. And they’re not above using this knowledge to their advantage.
I remember in one of my past relationships, my partner knew I was self-conscious about my writing. Instead of offering support, they’d often make snide remarks about it, subtly undermining my confidence until I began to doubt my abilities.
This wasn’t about constructive criticism or helping me improve. It was about exploiting my vulnerability to keep me in a subservient position.
Narcissists use this tactic to maintain control and superiority in the relationship. By highlighting your insecurities, they make you feel less than, ensuring that they remain on top.
9) They lack empathy
And here we are, at the final point, arguably the most significant trait of a narcissistic partner: a lack of empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what allows us to connect with people on a deeper level.
But for a narcissist, this essential human attribute is often noticeably absent.
They struggle to see things from your perspective or feel genuine concern for your feelings. This isn’t because they can’t, but rather, they choose not to. Their world revolves around them and their needs.
In the absence of empathy, it becomes easy for them to hurt others without feeling remorse. This lack of emotional depth is a hallmark trait of narcissistic behavior, underscoring all other manipulative tactics we’ve discussed so far.
What now?
Recognizing these subtle signs of a narcissistic partner is just the first step.
The next step? That’s understanding what you can do about it.
- Seek professional help
- Join a support group
- Self-care
The road to recovery from a relationship with a narcissistic partner isn’t easy. It’s filled with self-doubt, confusion, and often, a deep sense of loss.
Acknowledging the problem is a huge step towards healing.
And even though it might not feel like it right now, know that you have the strength to navigate this journey. You’re not alone, and with time, you will regain your sense of self-worth and move forward to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
So take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned today.
And remember, it’s okay to put yourself first.
