There’s a remarkable difference between having a chat and having a meaningful conversation.
It all boils down to emotional intelligence. Those who lack this crucial skill often steer conversations towards certain topics without realizing how revealing it is about their emotional maturity.
Speaking of topics, I have noticed that there are nine specific ones that are often brought up by individuals who may lack emotional intelligence.
In this article, I will share these nine conversation topics with you. If someone frequently leads the discussion towards these areas, they might just be showing signs of low emotional intelligence.
And hey, no judgement here! We’re all on a journey of self-improvement, right?
Let’s dive in.
1) Gossip
Few things can reveal lack of emotional intelligence more than a fondness for gossip.
Engaging in gossip is often an attempt to feel accepted or important. But it’s a cheap thrill, and it comes at the expense of someone else’s reputation.
Emotionally intelligent people understand the power of words. They realize that gossip can harm relationships and contribute to a toxic environment.
If you notice someone frequently engaging in or initiating gossip during conversations, it might be an indicator of low emotional intelligence.
Emotionally intelligent people prefer to discuss ideas and events rather than indulging in idle talk about others. They focus on the positive and strive to uplift those around them, not bring them down with harmful words.
Hence, if you’re on a journey towards emotional growth, steering clear from gossip is an excellent first step.
2) Personal achievements
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments or sharing them with others. However, it’s a problem when someone constantly brings up their achievements in every conversation.
Once, I recall having a chat with a colleague who seemed to have an anecdote related to one of his accomplishments for every topic we discussed. It got to the point where it felt less like a conversation and more like an ongoing list of his personal victories.
This behavior is often a reflection of insecurity and a need for validation – classic signs of low emotional intelligence.
Emotionally intelligent people tend to be good listeners, showing genuine interest in others’ stories instead of constantly shifting the focus back onto themselves.
3) Negative incidents
Frequently steering conversations towards negative incidents or experiences is another potential sign of low emotional intelligence. Dwelling on negativity not only dampens the mood, but it also indicates a lack of resilience and an inability to let go of past hurts.
Interestingly, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who often focus on negative events tend to have lower life satisfaction. They’re unable to effectively manage their emotions and fail to see the bigger picture beyond their immediate feelings.
Emotionally intelligent people, instead, are able to navigate through their negative feelings and experiences without letting them dominate their conversations or their outlook on life.
They’re more inclined towards positivity and growth, understanding that every experience – good or bad – is an opportunity to learn and evolve.
4) Money
We all know money is a necessity and it’s a topic that will come up in conversation from time to time. However, if someone constantly brings up money, wealth, or their financial success, it might be indicative of low emotional intelligence.
This preoccupation with wealth often stems from a need to assert superiority or seek validation. It can make others feel uncomfortable and can be quite off-putting.
Emotionally intelligent individuals understand that wealth is not a measure of someone’s worth. They recognize and respect the fact that money can be a sensitive topic for many.
If you notice someone frequently steering the conversation towards money, it might be a sign they’re lacking in emotional intelligence. But remember, we all have areas to improve in – recognizing these signs is the first step towards growth.
5) Controversial topics
Discussing controversial topics without tact or sensitivity is a clear indicator of low emotional intelligence.
These topics can include politics, religion, or personal beliefs. While it’s important to have conversations about these, it’s equally crucial to approach them with respect and understanding.
Individuals with low emotional intelligence often bring up these subjects in an aggressive or confrontational manner, without considering the feelings and perspectives of others. They may fail to engage in a balanced discussion and instead impose their views on others.
Emotionally intelligent people, on the other hand, are able to discuss these topics while maintaining respect for differing opinions. They listen, ask questions, and strive to understand rather than argue or dominate the conversation.
6) Personal problems
We all face challenges and it’s natural to seek support from those around us. But there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing, especially when it’s with people who may not be close confidants.
If someone frequently divulges their personal problems or issues in casual conversation, it may indicate a lack of emotional intelligence. This behavior often stems from a need for attention or sympathy.
We must remember, everyone we meet is fighting their own battles, some visible, others not so much. Emotionally intelligent individuals understand this. They know when to share and when to listen, offering a supportive ear to others rather than monopolizing the conversation with their own issues.
When you find someone constantly discussing their personal problems, remember, it’s not about being insensitive but understanding that emotional intelligence involves respecting boundaries and offering mutual support.
7) Others’ mistakes
Another sign of low emotional intelligence can be frequently pointing out others’ mistakes in conversation.
I remember a friend who had a habit of bringing up past errors made by others, often in a mocking or derogatory manner. It created an uncomfortable environment and honestly, it felt more like an attack than a conversation.
This behavior suggests a lack of empathy and understanding. Instead of providing constructive feedback or showing understanding, the focus is placed on criticism and ridicule.
Emotionally intelligent individuals, however, understand the importance of empathy and kindness. They avoid highlighting others’ mistakes unnecessarily and instead, focus on solutions and learning opportunities.
8) Trivial matters
Obsessing over trivial matters during conversations might be another sign of low emotional intelligence.
If someone frequently discusses minor issues or inconveniences with an unwarranted level of intensity or frustration, they might be struggling with emotional regulation. This habit can make conversations unnecessarily negative and stressful.
Emotionally intelligent individuals, on the other hand, are able to differentiate between minor annoyances and significant problems. They don’t let small issues dominate their conversations or their mood.
If you notice someone overly focused on trivial matters in conversation, it may suggest a need for growth in emotional intelligence. But remember, growth is a journey and we’re all on our own unique paths.
9) Constant complaints
The habit of constantly complaining in conversations is perhaps one of the most telling signs of low emotional intelligence.
Complaining frequently not only shifts conversations towards negativity, but it also indicates a lack of perspective and gratitude. Instead of focusing on solutions or seeking improvements, the focus remains on the problems.
Emotionally intelligent people tend to approach challenges with a problem-solving mindset. They acknowledge difficulties without letting them overshadow the positives in their life.
A person who is always complaining during conversations may be revealing their level of emotional intelligence. And as we navigate through our conversations and relationships, let’s strive to be more understanding, empathetic, and solution-oriented.
Closing thoughts: Emotional intelligence as a journey
It’s important to remember that emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a skill, a journey of growth and learning that we can embark upon at any stage in life.
As Daniel Goleman, an internationally known psychologist and author of ‘Emotional Intelligence’, asserts, “Emotional Intelligence is a master aptitude, a capacity that profoundly affects all other abilities, either facilitating or interfering with them.”
So as we reflect on these topics and our conversations, let’s strive towards enhancing our emotional intelligence. Let’s cultivate empathy, practice active listening, and create room for growth and understanding in our interactions.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about what we’re talking about, it’s also about how we’re talking about it.
