There’s a vast difference between experiencing shallow infatuation and deep, soul-stirring love.
The distinction lies in the subtle behaviors. When someone hasn’t been touched by true love, they unknowingly exhibit certain signs.
According to psychology, these signs aren’t always glaringly obvious, but when you know what to look for, they’re pretty easy to spot.
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’m here to help you decipher these subtle cues.
In this article, I’m going to share with you eight behaviors that indicate a lack of experience with profound love. And trust me, once you know what they are, you’ll see them everywhere.
1) They avoid deep emotional connection
True love is all about forming a deep emotional bond.
However, there are some people who tend to skirt around this level of intimacy. They might share laughs and enjoy fun times together, but when it comes to discussing deeper feelings or vulnerabilities, they shy away.
According to psychology, this is a clear sign that someone hasn’t experienced genuine, profound love. Love, in its truest form, invites you to be vulnerable and open with your partner.
Avoiding deep emotional connection often indicates a lack of experience with this kind of love. They might mistake surface-level affection for the real deal, but without the depth of connection, it’s not the same.
Recognizing this behavior can help us understand our own relationship patterns and those of others better. Remember, it’s not about judgment but awareness and growth.
2) Their actions don’t match their words
In my years as a relationship expert, one thing I’ve learned is that actions speak louder than words. This old adage rings especially true when it comes to love.
Someone who hasn’t experienced profound love might promise the moon and the stars, but their actions tell a different story. They might make grand gestures or say all the right things, but if they’re not following through or showing consistency, it’s a red flag.
As Oprah Winfrey wisely said, “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” True love is about consistency between words and actions, even when nobody is watching.
3) They’re overly dependent on their partner
As a relationship expert, and from personal experience, I can tell you that true love thrives on interdependence, not codependency.
People who haven’t experienced deep love often mistake their neediness for love. They rely heavily on their partners for their happiness and well-being, and struggle to feel complete when they’re alone. This isn’t love; it’s codependency.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into how to recognize and break free from these unhealthy patterns.
True love means you’re whole on your own, and your partner enhances your happiness rather than being the sole source of it.
4) They’re always in a relationship
Contrary to what you might think, someone who’s always in a relationship might not have experienced true love.
It seems counterintuitive, right? However, true love requires self-awareness and understanding, which often comes from spending time alone.
Those who jump from one relationship to another, without taking time for self-reflection and growth, often do so to avoid facing their fears and insecurities. They substitute the feeling of being wanted for the feeling of being loved.
True love is about knowing yourself, accepting who you are and then sharing that with another person. So paradoxically, those who are never single may be the ones who’ve never truly experienced deep love.
5) They struggle with empathy
Back when I started my journey as a relationship expert, I quickly realized that empathy is the cornerstone of deep, meaningful love.
If someone struggles to empathize – to understand and share the feelings of their partner – they probably haven’t experienced that soul-stirring kind of love yet. In true love, you feel your partner’s pain as your own and their joy becomes your happiness.
People lacking this experience might find it hard to see situations from their partner’s perspective or struggle to validate their emotions. This lack of empathy prevents the formation of a deep emotional bond that lies at the heart of true love.
6) They avoid conflict at all costs
Here’s some raw honesty for you: conflict is part of love. Yes, you read that right.
Someone who hasn’t experienced true love might think that love means never arguing, never disagreeing. They might go to great lengths to avoid conflict and maintain a facade of constant harmony. But this isn’t realistic, or healthy.
True love isn’t about agreeing on everything; it’s about navigating disagreements together and coming out stronger. It’s about understanding that your partner is a separate individual, with their own thoughts and feelings, and that’s okay.
If someone shies away from any sign of conflict or disagreement in their relationship, chances are they haven’t experienced the depth and complexity of true, deep love.
7) They constantly seek perfection
In my years of studying and experiencing love, I’ve learned that aiming for perfection is a surefire way to miss out on the beauty of true love.
Those who haven’t experienced deep love often have an idealized version of what love should look like. They’re always seeking the perfect partner, the perfect relationship. But as the renowned author Margaret Atwood once said, “If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.”
The truth about love is that it’s not perfect. It’s messy, it’s complicated, and it’s beautiful in its imperfection.
If someone is always chasing the idea of a perfect relationship, they might still be waiting to experience the depth and richness of true love.
8) They’re afraid of commitment
Here’s the raw truth: Fear of commitment often indicates a lack of experience with deep, true love.
Someone who hasn’t experienced this profound love might fear the idea of settling down with one person. They might see commitment as a loss of freedom or an end to exciting possibilities.
But the reality is, true love isn’t about losing anything. It’s about gaining a partner, a confidant, a supporter, and so much more.
Conclusion
Understanding the subtleties of love is no easy task. But by recognizing these eight behaviors, we can begin to identify those who might not have experienced deep, profound love yet.
Remember, these signs aren’t about judging others but about awareness and growth. And if you’ve identified with any of these signs, don’t worry – it’s never too late to experience profound love.
For more insights on love, relationships, and breaking free from unhealthy patterns, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Here’s to experiencing and understanding true love in all its depth and beauty!
