Happiness can often feel like an elusive goal, especially when it seems like it’s been a while since you last experienced it.
Here’s the thing: Sometimes, our own habits are the ones holding us back from our pursuit of happiness.
I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a long-time student of mindfulness and Buddhism. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that happiness isn’t always about adding more things to our lives, but often about letting go of certain habits.
In this article, I’ll share with you 10 habits you might want to bid farewell to if you can’t remember the last time you truly felt happy.
Let’s dive in.
1) Overthinking
It’s not uncommon for us to get caught up in our own thoughts.
Overthinking can be a real happiness killer. We often replay past scenarios in our heads, wondering what could have been done differently. Or we stress about the future, creating a multitude of “what if” scenarios that may never come to pass.
This habit of overthinking can create a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety in our lives. It takes us away from the present moment and prevents us from truly appreciating what’s happening right now.
In mindfulness practice, we’re encouraged to focus on the present, rather than ruminating on the past or fearing the future. It’s about acknowledging and accepting our thoughts without letting them control us.
If you can’t remember the last time you felt truly happy, take a step back and assess how much time you spend in your own head. Reducing overthinking might be the first habit you need to say goodbye to.
2) Comparison
Happiness often eludes us when we constantly compare ourselves to others. In this age of social media, it’s become incredibly easy to see the highlight reels of other people’s lives and feel like we’re falling short.
I’ve been there, scrolling through Instagram and feeling a twinge of envy at the seemingly perfect lives others lead. But I’ve learned that this comparison game is a road that leads nowhere good.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn, a well-known mindfulness expert, said: “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” This quote is a reminder that instead of comparing our lives with others, we should focus on navigating our own journey.
If your happiness seems absent, it may be time to kick the habit of comparison to the curb. Remember, your life is about your journey and experiences, not someone else’s highlight reel.
3) Neglecting self-care
One thing I’ve noticed in my journey with Hack Spirit and studying psychology is how often we neglect our own self-care. We’re so busy trying to meet deadlines, fulfill responsibilities, and take care of others that we forget to take care of ourselves.
But here’s the deal: If you’re constantly running on empty, it’s impossible to feel truly happy. Life becomes a series of tasks to complete, rather than a journey to be enjoyed.
Start prioritizing your own well-being. This could mean taking a few minutes each day for mindfulness practice, ensuring you get enough sleep, or simply making time for activities you enjoy.
Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
4) Holding onto grudges
Harboring resentment and holding grudges can be incredibly draining and detrimental to our happiness. It’s like carrying around a heavy backpack that’s filled with negativity.
I love this quote from the Buddha: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” It perfectly encapsulates the negative impact of holding onto grudges.
If you’ve been feeling unhappy, it might be time to take a look at the emotional baggage you’re carrying. Are there grudges or resentments you’re holding onto? If so, it might be time to let them go.
This isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t mean you have to condone or forget about a person’s actions. But for your own sake, consider working on forgiveness and letting go of that hot coal. You’ll be amazed at how much lighter you feel.
5) Living on autopilot
It’s easy to fall into the habit of living life on autopilot. We wake up, go to work, do our chores, and repeat. Before we know it, days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and we’re left wondering where the time went.
I’ve been there myself and I can tell you, living life on autopilot is no way to find happiness. Instead, it’s important to be intentional about how we spend our time and who we spend it with.
In her book A Toolkit for Building a Happier Life in a Messy World, Life Transition Coach Jeanette Brown shares practical tools and strategies for living a more fulfilled and joyful life. And one of her key teachings is about being present and engaged in every moment.
If you can’t remember the last time you felt truly happy, assess if you’ve been living your life on autopilot. It might be time to switch off the cruise control and start steering your life in the direction that brings you joy.
6) Not setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining our mental health and overall happiness. Without them, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of.
It could be as straightforward as saying “no” when you’re overloaded with work, or setting aside some “me time” during your day.
Take a moment to reflect on your boundaries. Are they clear and strong? Or could they use some reinforcement?
Sometimes, the simplest actions can make the biggest difference in our pursuit of happiness.
7) Focusing on the negative
It’s human nature to focus on the negative. We tend to dwell on our mistakes, our flaws, and the things that go wrong in our lives.
As someone who’s been studying mindfulness for years, I can tell you firsthand how damaging this habit can be. It creates a negative feedback loop that can be hard to break out of.
Mindfulness teaches us to observe our thoughts without judgment. Instead of focusing on the negative, we can acknowledge these thoughts and then let them go.
It might be time to shift your perspective and cultivate a more balanced mindset. It’s not about ignoring the negative, but rather not letting it consume your entire outlook.
8) Fear of change
Change is an inevitable part of life, yet many of us fear it. This fear can hold us back from pursuing opportunities that could lead to happiness.
As the renowned author, C.S. Lewis once said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” This quote reminds us that while we can’t control everything in life, we do have the power to influence our future.
If you can’t remember the last time you felt truly happy, it might be time to examine your relationship with change. Are you embracing it as a natural part of life or are you resisting it out of fear? Remember, sometimes, the best things in life come from stepping outside of our comfort zone.
9) Chasing perfection
We live in a society that often glorifies perfection. We’re told we need to have the perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect relationship. But here’s the counterintuitive truth: Perfection is an illusion.
I’ve learned through my years at Hack Spirit and studying psychology that striving for perfection can actually rob us of our happiness. It sets unrealistic expectations and keeps us constantly dissatisfied with our current circumstances.
If you can’t remember the last time you felt truly happy, consider whether you’ve been caught in the perfection trap. It might be time to let go of this unattainable ideal and embrace the beauty of imperfection. Happiness often lies in accepting and appreciating our perfectly imperfect lives.
10) Ignoring your passions
Our passions bring us joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. Yet, many of us are guilty of sidelining them due to our busy schedules or fear of judgment.
If you’re struggling to remember the last time you felt truly happy, reflect on whether you’ve been neglecting your passions. Do you set aside time for the things that make your heart sing?
It’s never too late to rekindle your passions. Start by allocating a small portion of your day to engage in an activity you love. It can be as simple as reading a book, painting, or going for a run.
Happiness often lies in doing what we love. So don’t ignore your passions. Nurture them.
Conclusion
It’s never too late to make changes. Each new day brings with it a fresh start and an opportunity to shape our lives in a way that brings us closer to genuine happiness.
If you’re looking for more guidance on how to build a happier life, I highly recommend Life Transition Coach Jeanette Brown’s book A Toolkit for Building a Happier Life in a Messy World. It’s packed with practical strategies and insightful wisdom that can help you navigate your journey towards a more joyful life.
Happiness is not a destination, but a way of life. And sometimes, saying goodbye to certain habits can be the first step towards a happier you.
