There’s a vast distinction between being alone and feeling lonely.
Being alone can be a choice, a comfort zone, a place where you find solace and peace. But feeling lonely? That’s often not chosen. It’s a place of isolation, even amidst a crowd.
You might be wondering why you struggle to make close friends. Why people seem to drift away from you, no matter how hard you try to keep them close.
Well, the answer could lie in your own behaviors.
In this article, we’re going to delve into the subtle behaviors that you might be unknowingly exhibiting, which are pushing people away.
Let’s get started.
1) You’re a chronic complainer
Let’s face it, we all know someone who seems to have a dark cloud constantly hovering above their head.
And it’s draining.
It’s not that we don’t empathize with their problems, or that we’re not willing to lend a sympathetic ear. But when the complaints become chronic, it turns into a negative energy that most people naturally try to avoid.
Chronic complaining can be a subtle behavior you might not even realize you’re doing. You may think you’re just being realistic, or expressing your feelings. But to others, it can come across as negativity, pessimism, and even self-pity.
If you find yourself without close friends and can’t pinpoint why, take a moment to reflect on your conversations. Are they filled with complaints? If yes, this could be one of the behaviors driving people away.
Every cloud does have a silver lining. And while it’s okay to vent sometimes, creating a balance and focusing on the positives can make your company more enjoyable for others.
2) You struggle to show empathy
I’ll share a personal experience here.
I had a friend, let’s call him Mark. Mark was a good guy at heart, but he had a knack for turning every conversation into something about himself. You could be talking about your day, your struggles, or even your achievements, and somehow, Mark would always steer the conversation back to him.
At first, I thought it was harmless. Maybe he was just trying to relate, or maybe he didn’t realize he was doing it. But as time went on, it became clear that Mark struggled to show empathy. He wasn’t really interested in what others were going through, unless it somehow related to him.
In retrospect, I see that this was a subtle behavior that pushed people away. It’s not that Mark was a bad person – far from it. But his difficulty in showing empathy made it hard to form close bonds with him.
If you’re struggling with forming close friendships, ask yourself: Are you really listening when others speak? Or are you just waiting for your turn to talk? Showing genuine empathy is key to forming deeper connections with others.
3) You have a hard time expressing gratitude
Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you”. It’s about recognizing the value in others and appreciating them for it.
Interestingly, a study published in the journal Emotion found that expressing gratitude can actually strengthen relationships. The researchers found that individuals who expressed gratitude to their friends felt better about their relationship and were more satisfied with it overall.
Despite this, many people struggle with expressing gratitude. We often take our close relationships for granted, forgetting to express appreciation for the people in our lives.
If you are having difficulty maintaining close friendships, it might be worth examining how often you express gratitude. Do you take the time to thank your friends for their presence in your life? If not, this could be one of the behaviors contributing to your struggle.
A little gratitude goes a long way in strengthening bonds and building lasting friendships.
4) You’re not open to new experiences
Life is an adventure, filled with new experiences and opportunities.
But if you’re the type who prefers staying in your comfort zone, this might be causing a strain on your potential friendships.
People are naturally drawn to those who are adventurous and open-minded. These individuals tend to bring excitement and novelty into our lives, which can be both refreshing and invigorating.
On the contrary, if you’re resistant to new experiences, it might make you seem unapproachable or uninteresting. Not to mention, it limits the activities you can engage in with potential friends.
If you’re struggling to form close friendships, consider how open you are to new experiences. Do you embrace change or do you resist it? Are you willing to try new things or do you prefer sticking to what’s familiar?
Being open to new experiences doesn’t mean you have to become an adrenaline junkie overnight. It could be as simple as trying a new cuisine, picking up a new hobby, or even taking a different route home. Small steps can make a big difference in making you more appealing to potential friends.
5) You don’t express your true feelings
The bonds of friendship are often built on openness and vulnerability.
It’s in those late-night conversations, where we lay our hearts bare, that friendships truly deepen. It’s in those moments of shared laughter and shared tears that we truly connect with another person.
But if you’re someone who struggles to express your true feelings, this can create a barrier to forming close friendships.
Perhaps you’ve been hurt in the past and now guard your emotions closely. Perhaps you’re afraid of being judged or misunderstood. Whatever the reason, if you’re not expressing your true feelings, you’re holding back a part of yourself.
And that can make it difficult for people to truly connect with you.
If you’re having trouble forming close friendships, take a moment to reflect on this. Are you open about your feelings? Do you let people see the real you?
It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to let people in. In fact, it’s often in those moments of vulnerability that the most beautiful friendships are formed.
6) You avoid conflict at all costs
I’ve always been a peacekeeper. I’d go to great lengths to avoid conflict, even if that meant suppressing my own feelings or opinions. I thought that by doing this, I’d be more likable, more appealing to others.
But over time, I realized that this approach was actually driving people away. By avoiding conflict, I was also avoiding real, meaningful conversations. I was avoiding the opportunity to stand up for myself, to express my thoughts and beliefs.
Conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can often lead to deeper understanding and stronger relationships. It’s through these tough conversations that we get to know each other on a deeper level.
If you’re struggling with forming close friendships, consider how you handle conflict. Do you tend to shy away from it, or do you face it head-on? Healthy disagreement can often strengthen bonds rather than weaken them.
7) You tend to be judgmental
We all have opinions and beliefs, and that’s perfectly natural. But when these opinions become judgments, it can push people away.
Being judgmental can make others feel uncomfortable, unaccepted, and even attacked. It’s hard to form close bonds with someone when you feel like you’re constantly being judged or evaluated.
So if you’re struggling to form close friendships, this could be one of the reasons. Reflect on your interactions with others. Are you quick to judge or do you try to understand?
Everyone has their own story, their own reasons for why they are the way they are. Instead of judging, try to understand. You’ll be amazed at how much this simple shift can improve your relationships.
8) You don’t invest time in your relationships
Friendships, like anything worthwhile in life, require time and effort. They need nurturing, care, and patience.
If you’re not investing time in your relationships, they’re likely to wither away. It’s hard to form a close bond with someone if you only interact with them sporadically or superficially.
Take a moment to reflect on this. Are you investing enough time into your relationships, or are you expecting them to flourish on their own?
The truth is, friendships are not a one-time deal. They’re an ongoing commitment. And if you want to have close friends in life, this is where you need to start.
