Building a close bond with your teenage grandchildren is one of life’s most rewarding experiences but let’s be real—teenagers are a tough crowd. The eye rolls, the one-word answers, and the constant screen time can make it feel like there’s a giant wall between you and them.
But here’s the thing: forming a deep connection isn’t just about what you do—it’s also about what you don’t do. The subtle ways you communicate, the habits you bring into conversations, and even the best intentions can sometimes push them away without you realizing it.
If you’re serious about creating a meaningful relationship, it’s time to take a closer look at what might be standing in the way. Today, we dive into six behaviors you need to leave behind to truly connect with your teenage grandchildren.
1) Dismissing their emotions as a “phase”
How often do we hear someone brush off a teenager’s emotions with, “Oh, it’s just a phase”?
While it’s true that many of their feelings and struggles may be temporary, our teenage grandchildren don’t see it that way. To them, their emotions are real, sometimes overwhelming, and deeply significant.
Dismissing their feelings as a phase can make them feel invalidated and unheard. It sends the message that their experiences don’t matter, which can create a rift in your relationship and make them less likely to open up in the future.
Worse yet, as noted by experts like Dr. Annie Tanasugarn, a doctor of psychology, “Childhood invalidation can lead to later feelings of insecurity, deep depression, and an unstable sense of self-identity.”
Even if you know their heartbreak, frustration, or anxiety will pass with time, it’s important to show empathy and understanding. A simple, “That sounds really tough, I’m here for you,” can go a long way in making them feel valued and connected to you
2) Ignoring their interests
Let me share a personal story with you.
My grandson, Jake, is into computer coding. It’s something I didn’t understand at all initially. Back in my day, we didn’t have these complex coding languages, and I didn’t see the need to learn about them.
Whenever Jake talked about it, I would switch off or change the topic. Over time, however, I noticed a distance growing between us. He stopped sharing his coding projects and even avoided our usual weekend chats.
One day, I decided to take the plunge and asked Jake to teach me about coding. He was surprised at first but quickly warmed up to the idea.
As he started explaining his latest project to me, I could see his eyes light up with excitement. Even though I didn’t understand half of what he was saying, I kept encouraging him.
That day, I realized how ignoring his interests had pushed him away. By simply showing interest in what he loved, our relationship started to improve.
The takeaway? Make an effort to understand your grandkids’ interests – no matter how foreign they may seem. This small step could make a huge difference in your relationship
3) Comparing them to others
Few things can hurt a teenager’s self-esteem more than being compared to someone else.
Whether it’s their sibling, a cousin, or even a younger version of yourself, comparisons send the message that who they are isn’t good enough.
As Albert Einstein once said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Teenagers are still figuring out their own unique strengths, and constant comparisons can make them feel like they’re falling short in areas where they might never thrive—or worse, they might stop trying altogether.
Instead of pointing out how someone else is excelling, celebrate your grandchild’s individuality. Focus on what makes them special—their creativity, sense of humor, kindness, or even their perseverance in areas they find challenging.
Your encouragement could be the confidence boost they need to pursue their passions and embrace who they are.
4) Thinking we always know best
With age comes wisdom, and as grandparents, we’ve seen a lot, learned a lot, and overcome countless challenges. It’s natural to want to pass that hard-earned wisdom down to the next generation.
But—and it’s a big but— we don’t always know best.
The truth is, the world has changed so much since we were young, and many of the things our grandchildren are experiencing are things we’ve never faced ourselves. From navigating social media to dealing with modern academic pressures, they’re growing up in an entirely different reality.
Assuming we always know best can unintentionally dismiss their struggles or perspectives. Instead of jumping in with advice or solutions, take the time to listen—really listen. Show them that their feelings and experiences are valid, even if they don’t align with what you’ve been through.
Your wisdom is invaluable, but pairing it with an open mind and willingness to learn from their perspective is what truly bridges the generational gap.
5) Undermining their parents
As a grandparent, you play a unique and cherished role in your grandchildren’s lives. Part of that role is supporting the values and boundaries their parents set—even if you don’t always agree with them.
Undermining your grandchildren’s parents, whether by openly disagreeing with their rules or allowing things they’ve forbidden, can create confusion and tension for everyone involved. Your grandkids may feel caught in the middle, and it can strain your relationship with both them and their parents.
Instead, focus on being a united front. If you have concerns about a parenting decision, discuss it privately with your child rather than voicing it in front of your grandkids. By respecting their parents’ authority, you’re also teaching your grandchildren an important lesson about honoring family relationships.
6) Forgetting to express your love
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to assume that our grandkids know we love them. But nothing beats hearing those three magic words.
Expressing your love doesn’t always mean saying “I love you”. It can be in the form of a warm hug, a pat on the back, a handwritten note, or simply spending quality time with them.
These small gestures of love can make a significant impact on their lives. It reassures them that no matter what happens, no matter how much they mess up or how different they are, they are loved unconditionally.
