We often overlook the power of words, especially within the family circle. You might be wondering why some family members are more appreciated and loved.
It’s not magic, it’s communication.
Words can either build bridges or erect walls. Certain phrases can unintentionally push your family away, while others can draw them closer.
If you want to foster love and appreciation within your family, it starts with how you communicate with them.
In this article, I’ll reveal seven phrases you should avoid in your conversations with your family.
Mastering this will not only improve your relationships but also help you become a more understanding and empathetic person.
So, let’s dive in and transform our words for better family bonds.
1) “You should…”
Within every family, there is a certain level of expectation and guidance. However, the phrase “you should” can often come off as judgmental and imposing.
When you use the phrase “you should,” it implies that you believe you know better than they do, that your perspective or approach is the correct one.
It can feel like a criticism or command rather than a suggestion or piece of advice.
It’s crucial to remember that every family member, regardless of their age or role within the family, deserves respect for their autonomy and ability to make their own decisions.
Instead of saying “you should,” try reframing your advice in a way that allows them to make their own choices. Phrases like “have you considered” or “what if you tried” can be helpful alternatives.
By doing this, you’re not just expressing concern or offering guidance, but also showing that you respect their ability to make decisions.
This subtle switch in language can result in more positive interactions and stronger bonds within your family.
2) “I don’t care”
One phrase that I’ve learned to avoid in conversations with my family is “I don’t care.” It might seem harmless, but it can have a profound impact on the other person.
Years ago, during a holiday gathering, my sister excitedly shared her plans to start a baking business. In response to her enthusiasm, I nonchalantly said, “I don’t care about baking.” At the time, I didn’t realize the impact of my words.
Later on, she confessed that my comment had discouraged her. She felt that I was dismissive of her dreams. That was a wake-up call for me. My intent was not to hurt her feelings; I was simply expressing my lack of interest in baking.
Since then, I’ve learned to express my lack of interest more thoughtfully. Instead of saying “I don’t care,” I might say something like “Baking isn’t really my thing, but I’m glad you found something you’re passionate about.”
It’s a small change, but it makes a world of difference. It shows that while the topic might not be my cup of tea, I still value and respect their interests and dreams.
3) “It’s not a big deal”
The phrase “it’s not a big deal” can often be perceived as dismissive or belittling. When someone opens up about an issue or concern, it’s important to validate their feelings instead of minimizing them.
Research shows that emotional validation, or the act of acknowledging and accepting another person’s emotional experience, is critical for maintaining healthy relationships. It helps people feel heard, accepted, and understood.
So instead of saying “it’s not a big deal,” try phrases like “I see why you’re upset” or “I can understand how that would make you feel.”
These phrases validate their feelings and show empathy, which can go a long way in fostering love and appreciation within your family.
4) “Why can’t you be more like…”
Comparisons within the family can be harmful and damaging to self-esteem. The phrase “why can’t you be more like” puts an unfair pressure on the person you’re talking to, making them feel inadequate or less valued.
Everyone is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses. It’s important to celebrate these differences rather than use them as a benchmark for comparison.
Instead of comparing, try acknowledging and appreciating each family member for who they are. For instance, instead of saying “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”, you could say “I love how dedicated you are to your passions.”
This way, you’re focusing on their positive attributes and fostering an environment of acceptance and love.
5) “I told you so”
Admittedly, there are times when it’s tempting to say “I told you so.” Especially when you’ve given advice that wasn’t heeded, and things turned out just as you predicted.
But this phrase can often come off as gloating or condescending.
A few years back, my son decided to take a gap year before heading off to college. Against my advice, he took up a job at a local fast-food joint. Soon enough, he realized the job wasn’t what he’d hoped for and quit within a month.
Instead of saying “I told you so”, I chose to empathize with him and discuss what he’d learned from the experience.
It was a moment of growth for both of us – me in understanding his need to explore his options, and him realizing the importance of making informed decisions.
In such situations, it’s better to choose empathy over ego. Reframe your response to something like “It seems like you’ve learned something valuable here.”
This approach promotes open dialogue and mutual respect.
6) “You always…” or “You never…”
Generalizing someone’s behavior with phrases like “you always” or “you never” can quickly escalate a conversation into a full-blown argument.
These absolutes can make the other person defensive, as they feel their entire character is being judged based on one action or incident.
Rather than resorting to these terms, it can be more effective to address the specific behavior that’s bothering you.
For instance, instead of saying “You never help out with household chores,” try saying, “I noticed the dishes have been piling up. Could you help me with them today?”
By focusing on the behavior rather than the person, you’re acknowledging the issue without attacking their character, leading to a more productive conversation.
7) “Whatever”
The phrase “whatever” is often used when we’ve given up on a conversation or want to dismiss it entirely. It communicates indifference and a lack of willingness to engage, which can be hurtful to the other person.
If you really want your family to love and appreciate you, remember that open and respectful communication is key. Even when it’s tough, always strive to engage in the conversation.
Instead of saying “whatever,” try saying “let’s talk about this later when we’re both calm,” or “I need some time to think about this.”
Remember, every conversation is an opportunity to strengthen your bond with your family. Make the most of it.
The power of words
We often underestimate the profound impact of our words. They have the potential to build or break relationships, to uplift or to hurt.
In a family, where bonds run deep and connections are intricate, the influence of our words is even more significant.
Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And that’s especially true within a family.
So next time you converse with your family members, remember these seven phrases and the potential they have to shape your interactions. Think about how your words can make them feel.
The art of communication is at its finest when it fosters love and appreciation. And with conscious effort and understanding, we all can master this art within our families.
