Becoming a grandparent — it’s a title that brings about a sense of pride, love, and joy. But it’s also a role that demands patience, understanding, and presence.
It’s not just about spoiling them with treats or telling stories of the ‘good old days’. It’s about being there for them emotionally and physically, truly understanding their world, and showing unconditional love.
But, let’s be honest, we all carry certain habits that might be obstructing us from being that ideal grandparent we aspire to be.
So how can you identify and break away from these habits?
Well, in this article, we’re going to discuss 9 habits you might need to bid farewell to if you genuinely want to be the loving and present grandparent your grandchildren deserve. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-reflection and growth. Let’s dive into it!
1) You’re always right
As a grandparent, it’s natural to think that your life experiences have made you wiser. And to some extent, that’s true.
However, asserting that ‘you’re always right‘ can create a barrier between you and your grandchildren.
This habit can make it difficult for them to openly share their thoughts and feelings with you. They might even feel judged or misunderstood.
Remember, it’s not about winning an argument or having the last word.
It’s about fostering open communication and understanding their perspective.
Understanding doesn’t necessarily mean agreement, but it does mean respect.
So, if you find yourself asserting your ‘rightness’ often, it might be time to reconsider this habit.
2) You’re stuck in the past
We all have fond memories of the ‘good old days’, don’t we?
But constantly reminiscing about the past and comparing it to the present can create a generational gap.
Here’s a psychological concept to consider – present bias. It’s the tendency for people to give stronger weight to payoffs that are closer to the current time when considering trade-offs between two future moments.
In simple terms, it’s about focusing on the here and now.
Your grandchildren are growing up in a vastly different world than the one you did. The experiences, challenges, and opportunities they face are unique to their generation.
If you’re always comparing their lives to your past experiences, you might be unintentionally dismissing their reality.
Sure, sharing stories from your past can be a wonderful way to connect and share wisdom. But it’s also important to engage with them in their current world, understand their experiences, and appreciate their perspective.
After all, being present isn’t just about physical proximity, it’s about emotional availability too.
3) You’re overly focused on the future
While it’s important to be engaged in the present, it’s equally crucial not to swing to the other extreme and become overly focused on your grandchildren’s future.
Yes, you heard it right.
It’s natural to have dreams and aspirations for them. Perhaps you want them to attend a prestigious university or pursue a particular profession.
However, being excessively future-oriented can create unnecessary pressure and expectations. It might lead your grandchildren to feel that they need to achieve certain milestones to earn your love and approval.
But here’s the thing: Being a loving and present grandparent means cherishing them for who they are now, not just for what they might become in the future.
So, while it’s okay to inspire and motivate them, it’s also vital to celebrate their current achievements, their interests, and their unique personality traits. Show them that your love is not contingent on their future accomplishments but is rather rooted in their present selves.
4) You’re not embracing technology
How often do you find yourself saying, “I’m too old for technology”?
In today’s digital age, technology is an integral part of our grandchildren’s lives. They communicate, learn, and explore the world using various digital platforms and devices.
If you’re shrugging off technology as something ‘for the young’, you’re missing out on a significant aspect of their lives.
Learning to use technology can be challenging. But it’s not impossible, nor is it too late.
By embracing technology, you can engage with your grandchildren in ways that are meaningful to them. You can play online games together, learn from educational apps, or simply video call them to catch up.
Being open to learning about technology shows your grandchildren that you are interested in their world. It bridges the generational gap and helps you stay connected in a way that’s relevant to them.
5) You’re holding on to old grudges
Let’s face it. We all have past experiences that have left a bitter taste in our mouths. Maybe it’s a falling out with a family member, a dispute with a neighbor, or a disagreement with an old friend.
Holding on to these grudges, however, can negatively impact your relationship with your grandchildren. It can:
- Create a tense family environment.
- Model unhealthy ways of dealing with conflict.
- Prevent you from fully enjoying your time with them.
These invisible barriers can distance you from your loved ones.
Letting go of past grudges doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It means choosing peace over resentment, for your sake and the sake of your relationship with your grandchildren.
6) You’re not taking care of your health
As we age, it’s easy to let our health take a backseat. Maybe we think we’ve earned the right to indulge a little, or perhaps we feel that maintaining good health is too much work.
But here’s the thing: our health directly impacts our ability to be present and active in our grandchildren’s lives.
I’m not saying we need to run marathons or become gym enthusiasts. But taking care of our physical health, whether it’s through regular check-ups, maintaining a balanced diet, or simply going for daily walks, is vital.
Why? Because when we’re physically healthy, we’re more capable of engaging in activities with our grandchildren. We can join them in their games, accompany them on adventures, and simply be there for them.
So let’s make a promise to ourselves today. Let’s prioritize our health not just for our sake, but also for those little ones who want their grandparents around, healthy and active.
Remember, being a loving grandparent also means taking care of ourselves so that we can take better care of them.
7) You’re not setting healthy boundaries
Imagine this: Your grandchild wants you to play with them, but you have a pressing task at hand. Do you drop everything and join them, or do you explain that you’re busy and promise to play later?
Setting boundaries might feel contrary to being a loving and present grandparent. After all, isn’t indulging your grandchildren part of the grandparent’s job description?
But consider this: By not setting boundaries, are we teaching them that it’s okay to disregard other people’s commitments and responsibilities?
Setting healthy boundaries is about teaching them respect for others’ time, needs, and personal space. It’s about demonstrating that love doesn’t mean always saying ‘yes’.
So ask yourself: Are you setting healthy boundaries with your grandchildren?
8) You’re not actively listening
Active listening is such a simple concept, yet it’s often overlooked. I remember when my own granddaughter was excitedly telling me about a school project she was working on. I was there, nodding and smiling, but my mind was elsewhere.
It wasn’t until she asked me a specific question about what she’d been talking about that I realized I hadn’t really been paying attention. The disappointment on her face was a wake-up call for me.
Being physically present isn’t enough.
Active listening involves truly focusing on what your grandchild is saying, engaging with their thoughts, and responding in a meaningful way. It’s about showing genuine interest in their stories, their ideas, and their feelings.
When you actively listen, you’re telling your grandchildren that their words matter. That they matter.
Let’s not just hear our grandchildren – let’s really listen to them. Being a loving and present grandparent means being fully engaged in the conversations we have with them.
9) You’re not showing your love openly
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, being a loving and present grandparent means expressing your love openly.
Often, we believe that our love is understood, that it doesn’t need to be stated. But expressing love openly and frequently can have a profound impact on our grandchildren. It reassures them of our unconditional love and support.
Showing love can take many forms. It could be words of affirmation, a warm hug, or simple acts of kindness. It could be spending quality time together or showing interest in their hobbies.
Let’s not shy away from expressing our love to our grandchildren. Because at the end of the day, love is the bond that connects us and makes all our efforts worthwhile.
Are you ready for the journey?
Being a grandparent is a journey of love, learning, and growth. It’s about constantly evolving and adapting to be the best version of ourselves for our grandchildren.
Here are a few simple practices you can adopt to continue this journey:
- Practice mindfulness to stay present in each moment.
- Keep a journal to reflect on your experiences and learnings as a grandparent.
- Seek your grandchildren’s and their parents’ feedback to understand how you can improve.
Being a loving and present grandparent is not about being perfect. It’s about being real, being present, and showing up for our grandchildren in the best way possible.
So as you close this article, take a moment to reflect on your role as a grandparent. What are the changes you are willing to make? What are the habits you want to let go of? What does being a loving and present grandparent mean to you?
The answers lie within you. And remember, every step you take towards being a more loving and present grandparent is a step towards creating beautiful memories and lasting bonds with your grandchildren. Here’s to that wonderful journey!
