Ever feel like you’re always the one putting in all the effort—texting first, planning dates, and doing everything you can to keep the connection alive?
It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
Dating shouldn’t feel one-sided, but when it does, it can leave you questioning your worth and wondering if you’re doing something wrong.
The truth is, people who effortlessly attract attention and respect in their love lives aren’t born that way. They simply avoid certain behaviors that make them seem too eager or too available.
If you’re tired of always being the chaser and never the one being pursued, it’s time for a shift.
Let’s explore the 8 behaviors you need to leave behind to create a dynamic where people chase you.
1) Being overly available
There’s a widespread belief that to make people attracted to you, you need to be at their beck and call.
Unfortunately, this is a fundamental misconception.
Think about it – what’s more attractive? Someone who’s always available at a moment’s notice, or someone who has their own interests and passions and isn’t desperate for your attention?
Being overly available can quickly turn into dependency, which is rarely an attractive quality.
It sends the message that you don’t value your own time and that you’re willing to drop everything for the other person. This can create an imbalance in the relationship and often leads to the other person taking you for granted.
So if you want people to chase you, say goodbye to being overly available. Instead, focus on nurturing your own interests and passions. You’ll be surprised at how this shift can change the dynamics of your relationships.
2) Negativity
Let’s face it – nobody likes being around a Debbie Downer.
As psychology shows, negativity is contagious, so it’s a surefire way to drive people away rather than draw them towards you.
I’ve seen it happen countless times in my work as a relationship expert.
People who dwell on the negative aspects of life tend to push others away. It’s almost as if their negativity creates an invisible barrier that keeps people at arm’s length.
So, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and share this positivity with others. You’ll be amazed at how this small shift in mindset can create big changes in your relationships.
3) Codependency
Codependency can be a significant roadblock in attracting others towards you. It’s a pattern of behavior where you rely excessively on others for your self-worth and identity.
As someone who’s been through this and has seen many others struggle with it, I know how damaging it can be. It’s like you’re constantly looking for validation from others, and when you don’t get it, your self-esteem crumbles.
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this issue and provide practical advice on how to overcome it.
Letting go of codependency means learning to value yourself and your needs above the approval of others.
Start acknowledging your worth and remember that you don’t need anyone else to complete you – you’re already whole as you are.
4) Excessive self-promotion
On the surface, it may seem that constantly showcasing our achievements and successes is a surefire way to attract others. After all, who wouldn’t be attracted to someone successful and accomplished?
But here’s the counterintuitive truth: excessive self-promotion can actually push people away.
People are attracted to authenticity, not a carefully curated highlight reel.
When you’re constantly talking about your accomplishments, it can come across as ego-driven and insincere. Others might feel like they’re just an audience to your one-person show.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be proud of your accomplishments. But there’s a thin line between sharing your achievements and bragging about them.
So instead, let your actions speak louder than words. Show them who you are through your actions and let your achievements speak for themselves.
You’ll find that this approach is much more attractive than any amount of self-promotion.
5) People pleasing
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen countless people fall into the trap of people-pleasing. It’s a behavior that stems from the desire to be liked and approved by others.
In my early career, I was guilty of this myself.
I thought that by always saying ‘yes’ and never causing any waves, people would like me more. But what I didn’t realize is that I was sacrificing my own needs and desires in the process.
People-pleasing might seem like a way to attract others, but it often leads to an unhealthy imbalance in relationships.
Believe me, always bending over backward for others won’t make you more attractive. Instead, people-pleasing can lead to burnout and feelings of resentment.
If you truly want people to chase you, learn to assert your needs and say ‘no’ when necessary. Focus on being respected for who you are and what you stand for rather than being liked.
6) Hiding your true self
Let me get real here – pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting.
And you know what?
It’s also incredibly unattractive.
We’ve all been there at some point. We put on a mask, hoping that it will make us more likable, more desirable. But all it does is create a facade that hides our true selves.
People are drawn to authenticity. They want to see the real you, with all your quirks, flaws and unique attributes. When you’re honest about who you are, it creates a sense of trust and genuine connection.
So if you want people to chase you, drop the act and show your true self. It might feel scary at first, but trust me, it’s one of the most liberating things you can do.
And the people who love you for who you really are? They’re the ones worth chasing after.
7) Living in the past
We all have a past, complete with triumphs and tragedies. But constantly dwelling on it can keep you stuck and prevent you from moving forward.
As someone who’s had her fair share of past regrets and mistakes, I can tell you firsthand how detrimental it can be. It’s like driving a car while constantly looking in the rearview mirror – you’re bound to crash.
Know that your past doesn’t define you. It’s merely a chapter in your life story, not the whole book.
It’s time to turn the page and start living in the present. Embrace your journey, learn from your past, but don’t let it hold you back. The real magic happens when you focus on the road ahead.
8) Fear of rejection
This one’s a tough one to face – the fear of rejection. It can paralyze us, keep us from taking risks, and ultimately prevent us from truly living.
We’ve all felt that sting of rejection at some point. It’s a universal human experience. But when that fear stops you from being yourself or going after what you want, it becomes a problem.
The honest truth is, rejection is a part of life.
Not everyone will like you or accept you, and that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of your worth, but merely a sign that you weren’t a good fit for that person or situation.
So embrace the fear of rejection as part of the journey and use it as a tool for growth rather than letting it hold you back. After all, every ‘no’ brings you one step closer to a ‘yes’.
Conclusion
If you’re tired of being the one constantly making the effort, it’s time to reevaluate the patterns that could be holding you back.
Letting go of these 8 behaviors won’t just make your dating life more balanced—it’ll remind you of your worth and help you create the kind of connections where effort flows both ways.
If you’re struggling with any of these behaviors, particularly codependency, I encourage you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It offers practical advice and insights that can help you navigate your journey towards healthier relationships.
