We all know someone who seems to command respect effortlessly, while others struggle to maintain it, especially as they age.
What’s the secret? Well, it’s not just about achievements or confidence—it’s also about what they don’t do.
Sometimes, the habits we think are harmless—or even polite—can quietly undermine how others perceive us.
Over time, these subtle behaviors can chip away at the respect we’ve worked so hard to build.
If you want to earn—and keep—the respect of those around you, it’s time to identify and let go of the habits holding you back. What habits?
Well, these eight are a great place to start.
1) Constant self-deprecation
We might think it’s humorous or that it makes us seem humble.
But in reality, self-deprecation can often be perceived as a lack of self-confidence.
When you continually undermine your own worth, people may start to view you in the same light.
It’s vital that as we age, we learn to acknowledge our accomplishments and strengths with grace and humility.
Instead of using self-deprecating humor as a crutch, try to build a positive self-image and speak about yourself with respect.
You’ll find that others will follow suit and treat you with the same respect.
2) Speaking without listening
One habit that I’ve noticed can really impact the respect we earn, especially as we age, is speaking without taking the time to listen.
I’ve been guilty of this myself.
I remember a time when I was so excited to share my thoughts in a meeting that I didn’t take the time to genuinely listen to what my colleagues were saying.
I later realized that my eagerness had made me seem dismissive and impatient.
It was a wake-up call that drove home the importance of active listening.
When we listen actively, we show respect for others’ perspectives, even if we don’t always agree with them.
This not only makes others feel valued but also increases the respect they have for us.
3) Holding onto grudges
Another habit that can really decrease the respect others have for you as you age is holding onto grudges.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the concept of forgiveness as a vital element of personal growth and how it can influence our interpersonal relationships.
But for now, just know that when we hold onto past hurts and betrayals, it not only affects our mental health but also influences how others perceive us.
People tend to respect those who show forgiveness and the ability to move forward.
In the words of author Mary Manin Morrissey, “In order to lead a fulfilling life, to be free, we must learn to let go.”
Trust me, say goodbye to holding grudges and embrace the liberating power of forgiveness.
4) Neglecting personal growth
As we age, it’s easy to fall into the trap of complacency, assuming we’ve learned all there is to know.
But the truth is, learning is a lifelong process.
Whether it’s new skills, perspectives, or understanding human behavior better, there’s always room for growth.
Engaging in regular self-reflection and setting personal development goals can significantly enhance how people perceive you.
It shows that you value improvement and are not afraid of change or challenges.
5) Always trying to be right
This might sound counter-intuitive, but if you want to gain more respect as you age, it’s time to let go of the need to always be right.
We often associate being right with respect and authority. But insisting on being right all the time can come across as close-minded and arrogant.
It can create an environment where others feel unheard or unvalued, which certainly doesn’t earn respect.
The ability to admit when you’re wrong and see things from different perspectives shows humility, a trait highly respected by others.
It demonstrates that you value truth and learning over your ego.
6) Avoiding tough conversations
As we get older, it’s easy to shy away from tough conversations.
We might think that avoiding conflict will maintain peace and earn us respect. But in reality, it’s the opposite.
Avoiding tough conversations can give others the impression that we’re unwilling to face challenges or address issues head-on.
This can lead to a lack of respect and even result in unresolved issues spiraling out of control.
Instead, we should aim to address difficult situations with courage and tact.
This doesn’t mean becoming confrontational, but rather engaging in open and honest dialogues, even when they’re uncomfortable.
7) Ignoring physical wellbeing
Our physical wellbeing often takes a backseat as we get busier and age.
I know this firsthand. There was a time when I would skip meals, forget to hydrate, or forego exercise due to my packed schedule.
But I soon realized that neglecting physical health can inadvertently affect the respect we command from others.
When we disregard our physical wellbeing, it can signal to others that we don’t value ourselves enough to take good care of our health.
This can, in turn, affect how much they respect us.
Conversely, maintaining a healthy lifestyle can increase our self-esteem, improve our mood, and project an image of self-respect.
It sends a message that we value ourselves and our health, which is likely to inspire respect in others.
8) Being a people-pleaser
The final habit to say goodbye to if you want to gain more respect as you age is being a people-pleaser.
Often, we fall into the trap of thinking that agreeing with others and fulfilling their demands will earn us their respect.
However, constantly trying to please others can lead them to take us for granted and not value our opinions.
Standing up for what you believe in, setting boundaries, and saying ‘no’ when necessary are signs of self-respect.
And when you respect yourself, others are much more likely to respect you too.
In conclusion: It’s all about growth
Respect is built through intentional actions—and just as importantly, by letting go of habits that no longer serve us.
By addressing these eight subtle behaviors, you can foster deeper connections, project confidence, and ensure you’re treated with the respect you deserve as you age.
The journey to self-respect and mutual respect begins with a single step.
Which habit will you start saying goodbye to today?
