There is a profound difference between fleeting happiness and genuine, long-lasting joy.
The former usually comes in bursts, often from external sources and can be fleeting. The latter, however, comes from within and is largely unaffected by the outside world.
As Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness expert, I’ve seen how certain habitual behaviors can block our path to true happiness.
If you’re seeking genuine happiness in life, there are 8 habits you might need to say goodbye to. In this article, we’ll explore these common pitfalls and how you can avoid them.
Let’s get started.
1) Living in the past or future
One of the pivotal teachings in mindfulness and Buddhism is to live in the present moment.
Yet, many of us are constantly either dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This habit can rob us of our present joy and cause unnecessary stress and anxiety.
The past, with all its mistakes and regrets, cannot be changed. The future, with all its uncertainties and fears, is not guaranteed. What we have is now, the present moment.
As a mindfulness practitioner, I can tell you that letting go of this habit isn’t easy but it’s worth it. By saying goodbye to living in the past or future, you open yourself up to experiencing life as it happens, enjoying each moment to its fullest.
2) Holding onto resentment
A habit that can eat away at your happiness like a termite is holding onto resentment.
As the founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness practitioner, I’ve personally grappled with this. I’ve seen how resentment can cast a shadow over your life, making everything seem darker and more difficult.
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” This quote perfectly encapsulates the destructiveness of resentment.
Holding onto resentment or anger doesn’t harm the person who wronged you; it harms you. It’s like carrying around a heavy bag everywhere you go. The longer you carry it, the heavier it becomes.
To find genuine happiness, it’s necessary to let go of this bag. This doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened, but rather releasing its emotional grip on you. Only then can you move forward and open yourself up to truly experiencing happiness. It’s not easy, but believe me, it’s worth it.
3) Pursuit of material possessions
There’s a saying in Buddhism: “Attachment is the root of all suffering.” This could not be more accurate when it comes to our obsession with material possessions.
In our consumer-driven society, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that happiness can be bought. That the newest gadget, the flashiest car, or the biggest house will bring us joy.
The truth is, material possessions are temporary. They can be lost, stolen, or become outdated. And the happiness they provide is fleeting at best.
Buddhism teaches us that genuine happiness comes not from what we have, but from who we are and how we live our lives.
Striving for wealth and material goods isn’t inherently bad. But when it becomes the main focus of our lives, it can distract us from what truly matters – our relationships, experiences, and personal growth.
4) Neglecting self-care
In our fast-paced, always-on-the-go lifestyles, self-care often takes a back seat. We prioritize work, family, and social obligations over our own well-being, convincing ourselves that we’ll get to it “later”.
Mindfulness teaches us the importance of being present, not just in our external world, but within ourselves too. It encourages us to tune into our bodies and minds and acknowledge our own needs.
When we neglect self-care, we’re not just harming our physical health, but also our mental and emotional well-being. This can lead to stress, burnout, and a general sense of unhappiness.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Whether it’s taking a few minutes each day to meditate, going for a walk in nature, or simply saying ‘no’ when you’re overwhelmed – every act of self-care counts.
5) Letting ego control your life
As humans, we all have an ego. It’s a part of us that seeks recognition, validation, and often drives our actions. But when we let our ego control our life, we can find ourselves veering away from genuine happiness.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I dive deep into how the ego can be a major obstacle to living a fulfilling life.
The ego tells us that we are separate from others, which can lead to feelings of superiority or inferiority. It also makes us crave approval and fear rejection. This can cause us to make choices based on what others think, rather than what truly aligns with our values and brings us joy.
Saying goodbye to letting the ego control your life doesn’t mean getting rid of it entirely. It means recognizing it for what it is: just a part of you, not the whole you.
6) Constant comparison with others
In today’s world of social media and instant updates, it’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.
Whether it’s someone’s career achievements, perfect family photos, or exotic vacations, we often judge our own lives based on the highlight reels of others. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness.
Mindfulness and Buddhism teach us the importance of accepting ourselves as we are. They encourage us to understand that everyone has their own unique path with different challenges and triumphs.
Remember, the sun and the moon shine at their own times. Just because someone is shining now doesn’t mean you won’t shine later.
Letting go of constant comparison isn’t about not striving to improve. It’s about understanding that your value isn’t determined by how you stack up against others.
7) Fearing change
Change is a natural part of life. Seasons change, people change, circumstances change. Yet, many of us fear and resist change, clinging to the familiar and comfortable.
This fear can hold us back from growth and keep us stuck in situations that no longer serve us or make us happy.
Buddhist teachings remind us of the principle of impermanence – that everything in life is transient and ever-changing. As mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
Resisting change is like trying to stop the waves – futile and exhausting. Embracing change, on the other hand, is like learning to surf – it allows us to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience.
8) Chasing happiness
Here’s a counterintuitive truth: One of the biggest obstacles to finding genuine happiness is…chasing after it.
In our quest for happiness, we often search for it as if it’s a destination to reach. We think, “If I just get that job, if I just find the perfect partner, if I just lose those last few pounds…then I’ll be happy.”
Mindfulness teaches us that happiness is not a destination, but a state of being. It’s about finding contentment in the present moment, regardless of our circumstances.
The irony is that when we stop chasing after happiness and focus on being present and accepting of where we are right now, happiness often finds us.
Conclusion
Saying goodbye to these habits won’t always be easy, but the rewards are immeasurable. By letting go of these barriers, we open ourselves up to genuine happiness that comes from within and is not dependent on external circumstances.
Remember, happiness is not a destination but a journey. It’s about being present, embracing change, and cherishing each moment as it comes. It’s about living with maximum impact and minimum ego.
If you’d like to delve deeper into these concepts, I invite you to check out my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. It’s a comprehensive guide on how to navigate life with wisdom gleaned from Buddhism and mindfulness practices.
