I used to think being emotionally intelligent meant staying calm under pressure or knowing how to navigate tricky conversations.
But then I started noticing the little things—the way I’d brush off someone’s feelings or avoid uncomfortable discussions—and realized emotional intelligence is so much more than surface-level control.
It’s in the choices we make every day, the habits we hold onto, and how those habits impact the people around us. Letting go of certain behaviors, even ones we’re barely aware of, can make all the difference.
If you’ve been looking for ways to connect more deeply with others (and yourself), it might be time to rethink some of those habits.
Here are eight behaviors to let go of that could unlock your emotional intelligence and empathy in ways you never imagined.
1) Playing the blame game
We’ve all been there. Things don’t go as planned and the first instinct is to point a finger at someone else.
But here’s the thing – blaming others won’t help you grow emotionally.
The problem with the blame game is that it’s a lose-lose situation. Not only does it create tension and conflict, but it also prevents you from learning from your mistakes.
Emotionally intelligent people own up to their actions and understand how they affect others. They take responsibility for their actions and making a conscious effort to do better next time.
So if you find yourself always blaming others when things go south, it’s time to take a step back and reassess. Every mistake is a learning opportunity.
Letting go of the blame game not only enhances your emotional intelligence but also builds empathy towards others.
After all, we are all human and prone to making mistakes.
So next time things go wrong, resist the urge to blame others. Instead, take responsibility, learn from your mistakes, and strive to do better.
You’ll be surprised at how this simple shift can boost your emotional intelligence and empathy.
2) Judging others too quickly
I remember a time when I was quick to judge.
I’d meet someone for the first time, and within minutes, I’d have them all figured out (or so I thought). I was sure about their character, their intentions, everything. But boy, was I wrong!
One day, a new neighbor moved in. She was quiet and kept to herself most of the time. I immediately assumed that she was aloof and unfriendly.
But one evening, she knocked on my door with a homemade pie, just to say hello and to introduce herself.
It was then I realized how wrong my quick judgments had been. She wasn’t aloof; she was just shy and needed some time to feel comfortable in her new surroundings.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson: to never judge a book by its cover.
Now, I strive to keep an open mind and take the time to truly understand people before forming an opinion about them.
If you want to enhance your emotional intelligence and empathy, it’s important to refrain from making hasty judgments about others.
Instead, give people the benefit of the doubt, and try to understand their perspective. You might be surprised by what you discover!
3) Failing to practice active listening
Active listening is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence and empathy. It’s not just about hearing the words someone is saying, but truly understanding their message and emotions behind it.
When you practice active listening, you are fully present in the conversation.
You’re not thinking about your response or getting distracted by your surroundings – you’re simply focusing on what the other person is saying.
So, if you want to live life with more emotional intelligence and empathy, it’s time to say goodbye to passive listening. Start practicing active listening instead.
Pay attention, show understanding, and respond appropriately – it’ll make a world of difference in your relationships.
4) Avoiding tough conversations
It’s natural to shy away from uncomfortable or difficult conversations. But avoiding these conversations only leads to unresolved issues and misunderstandings.
Emotional intelligence means recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions – both yours and those of others. And sometimes, this means stepping into uncomfortable territory.
When you avoid difficult conversations, you’re missing out on opportunities to grow and learn. These discussions can often lead to deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and positive change.
So instead of dodging tough conversations, face them head on.
Approach them with empathy, understanding, and an open mind. You’ll find that these situations can often lead to the most significant personal growth and enhanced emotional intelligence.
5) Neglecting self-care
While it may seem counterintuitive, taking care of yourself is a crucial part of emotional intelligence and empathy.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.
According to psychology, when you neglect self-care, you’re not just harming your physical health, but also your mental and emotional wellbeing. This can make it harder for you to understand and manage your emotions, let alone those of others.
So if you want to live with more emotional intelligence and empathy, it’s important to prioritize self-care.
This doesn’t just mean pampering yourself with a spa day (though that’s nice too!). It also means taking time to rest, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and doing activities that you enjoy.
By taking care of yourself, you’ll be in a better position to take care of others and navigate the world with more emotional intelligence and empathy.
6) Holding onto grudges
Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy weight on your shoulders.
It saps your energy, clouds your judgement, and prevents you from moving forward. Moreover, psychologists warn, it can have a damaging effect on your mental health.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a powerful act of emotional intelligence and empathy. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions.
Rather, it’s about letting go of the resentment and pain that’s holding you back.
When you forgive, you make room for understanding and empathy. You see the situation from the other person’s perspective and recognize that everyone makes mistakes.
And most importantly, you free yourself from the burden of past wrongs.
So if you want to live life with more emotional intelligence and empathy, let go of old grudges.
Choose forgiveness, understanding, and growth over resentment. It may not be easy, but it’s a step worth taking for your emotional wellbeing.
7) Suppressing emotions
I used to think that keeping my emotions in check was a sign of strength.
I’d put on a brave face, no matter what was going on inside. But over time, I realized that this wasn’t healthy or helpful.
Emotional intelligence involves recognizing and expressing your emotions in a healthy way. It means honest with yourself and others about how you feel.
Suppressing emotions, on the other hand, can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems (it’s been proven by psychologists). Plus, it prevents you from truly connecting with others on an emotional level.
So now, I make it a point to express my feelings in a constructive way. I’ve found that this not only helps me understand my own emotions better, but also allows me to empathize with others more effectively.
If you want to live life with more emotional intelligence and empathy, don’t bottle up your emotions.
Instead, acknowledge them, express them appropriately, and use them as a tool for understanding yourself and others better.
8) Ignoring boundaries
Respecting personal boundaries is a fundamental aspect of emotional intelligence and empathy.
We need to understand and respect the limits others set for themselves, just as you would want them to respect yours.
When you ignore or disrespect someone’s boundaries, it can lead to feelings of discomfort, resentment, and even damage the relationship.
On the flip side, when you respect boundaries, it shows that you value the other person’s feelings and individuality. It builds trust, enhances communication, and fosters healthy relationships.
So if you want to live life with more emotional intelligence and empathy, make sure to respect others’ boundaries. Listen when someone tells you their limit, ask if you’re unsure, and always strive to treat others with the same respect you’d want in return.
Final thoughts
When I think about emotional intelligence and empathy, I don’t think of them as fixed traits you either have or don’t have.
They’re more like muscles—you have to work on them, stretch them, and sometimes face a little discomfort to build them up.
The beauty of this is that every day is an opportunity to make a small change. Maybe it’s pausing before you judge, really listening instead of planning your reply, or forgiving someone (or yourself) for something long overdue.
Embracing emotional intelligence means being present and choosing to engage with your emotions and those of others, even when it’s messy or hard.
So here’s the question: What’s one habit you can let go of today to create a little more space for empathy? Start there.
Because when you choose understanding over impulse, you’re not just changing how others see you—you’re changing how you see yourself.
