Every parent wants their child to grow up kind, self-aware, and emotionally strong.
But here’s the part that often gets overlooked — kids don’t just “pick up” emotional intelligence on their own.
They learn it from the people around them, especially their parents. The way you handle emotions, conflicts, and relationships sets the stage for how your child will do the same.
Raising an emotionally intelligent child isn’t just about what you teach — it’s also about what you stop doing.
Some everyday habits, though well-meaning, can actually stunt your child’s ability to understand and manage their emotions. These behaviors may seem small, but over time, they can have a big impact.
If you want your child to grow up with emotional sensitivity and intelligence, it starts with you. By letting go of certain parenting habits, you’ll create a home environment where your child feels seen, heard, and valued.
Here are 7 behaviors to leave behind so you can raise emotionally intelligent kids who know how to navigate life with heart and empathy.
1) Criticizing too harshly
One of the most common behaviors that can hinder the development of sensitivity and emotional intelligence in children is excessive criticism.
When we criticize our children too harshly, we inadvertently damage their self-esteem and confidence.
Children are inherently curious and willing to explore the world around them. They learn by making mistakes and understanding their consequences.
However, when they are criticized harshly for their mistakes, they might develop a fear of trying new things or expressing their thoughts and feelings.
Instead, it’s important to adopt a constructive approach to criticism. Offer feedback in a positive and encouraging manner that guides them towards improvement rather than making them feel inadequate.
- Instead of saying “You are always so messy!”, try “Let’s clean this up together and find a place for everything.”
- Rather than saying “You never listen!”, consider “I noticed you had difficulty following instructions today. Is there something you’re finding hard?”
By replacing harsh criticism with constructive feedback, we create an environment where our children feel safe to make mistakes and learn from them.
This not only enhances their emotional intelligence but also nurtures their sensitivity towards others’ feelings.
2) Ignoring emotions
The second behavior we need to abandon is ignoring our children’s emotions.
Emotional intelligence and sensitivity stem from understanding and managing one’s feelings, which becomes difficult if those emotions are ignored or dismissed.
As parents, it’s easy to fall into the trap of dismissing our child’s emotions, especially if they seem excessive or unreasonable to us.
However, by doing this, we inadvertently send them a message that their feelings are not important or valid.
Instead of ignoring or dismissing your child’s emotions, encourage them to express their feelings freely. Acknowledge their emotions and validate their experiences.
This will make your child feel heard and understood, which is essential for developing emotional intelligence.
Let’s say your child is upset because they lost a game. Instead of saying “It’s just a game, stop crying”, try saying “I understand that you’re upset because you lost the game. It’s okay to feel sad about it. Let’s think about what we can do better next time.”
This approach not only validates your child’s feelings but also teaches them how to handle disappointments and setbacks positively.
3) Overprotecting them
While it’s natural for parents to want to shelter their children from harm and disappointment, excessive shielding can impede the development of emotional intelligence and sensitivity.
When we overprotect our children, we deprive them of opportunities to experience real-world situations that can teach them essential life skills.
They might struggle to manage their emotions in challenging situations, as they are not used to dealing with adversity.
Allow your children to face age-appropriate challenges and guide them through the process of dealing with these situations. This can involve small things like letting them solve a difficult puzzle on their own or allowing them to handle a disagreement with a friend.
These experiences will teach them how to handle their emotions, empathize with others, and find solutions to problems – all of which are crucial components of emotional intelligence and sensitivity.
4) Setting unrealistic expectations
Nothing crushes a child’s confidence faster than constantly feeling like they’re falling short.
When parents set unrealistic expectations, kids start to believe that no matter how hard they try, it’s never enough.
This doesn’t just affect their self-esteem — it can also hinder their emotional growth. Instead of learning how to handle mistakes, they learn to fear them.
Of course, unrealistic expectations often come from good intentions. You want your child to aim high, do well, and reach their potential. But there’s a fine line between encouraging excellence and expecting perfection.
Kids need room to grow, make mistakes, and learn at their own pace. When the bar is set too high, they don’t feel challenged — they feel defeated. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, low self-worth, and a fear of taking risks.
The best approach is to set realistic and flexible goals for your child. Focus on effort and progress rather than perfection.
Instead of saying, “You need to get straight A’s,” try, “Let’s focus on improving in this subject together.”
When kids feel supported instead of pressured, they become more resilient and emotionally aware. They learn that growth is a process, not a finish line — and that’s a lesson that sticks with them for life.
5) Providing inconsistent discipline
Consistency is a crucial aspect of effective parenting, especially when it comes to setting boundaries and enforcing rules.
You see, inconsistent discipline can create confusion and insecurity in children. They may struggle to understand what is expected of them, which can lead to anxiety and behavioral issues.
Maintaining consistency in discipline involves setting clear rules and consequences and ensuring they are enforced consistently. This provides a sense of safety and predictability — two key ingredients for their emotional well-being.
Moreover, consistency in discipline also teaches children about fairness and accountability, enhancing their emotional intelligence. They learn to understand the consequences of their actions and become more aware of their responsibilities towards others.
6) Lacking open communication
If kids feel like they can’t talk to you, they won’t. It’s that simple.
When parents shut down conversations or avoid tough topics, children learn to keep their feelings bottled up.
Over time, this can lead to emotional detachment, misunderstandings, and even resentment.
If you want to raise emotionally intelligent kids, open communication has to be a priority.
Kids need to know that their thoughts, feelings, and questions are welcome — even when those thoughts are messy or uncomfortable. If a child feels like they’ll be scolded, dismissed, or ignored, they’ll stop sharing.
This can leave them feeling isolated and unsure of how to process big emotions.
Emotional intelligence thrives when kids feel safe expressing themselves, not when they feel like they have to hide parts of who they are.
The good news? You can build open communication with a few simple changes.
Instead of jumping to conclusions or dishing out punishments right away, ask questions. Listen without interrupting. Validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree.
A phrase like, “I understand why you’re upset, let’s talk about it,” can open the door for a real conversation.
7) Neglecting your own emotional health
Finally, let’s talk about you — specifically, how you’re managing your own emotional health.
You can’t pour from an empty cup — and that’s especially true when it comes to parenting. If you’re constantly stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained, it’s going to show.
Kids are incredibly perceptive. They pick up on your mood, your reactions, and even your unspoken feelings.
If you’re not taking care of your emotional well-being, it’s hard to teach your child how to manage theirs.
When parents neglect their own emotional health, they’re more likely to respond with impatience, frustration, or avoidance.
Kids see this, and they learn that emotions should be buried instead of faced. Over time, this can lead children to suppress their feelings or believe that big emotions are “bad” or “wrong.”
Emotional intelligence comes from seeing emotions as normal, not something to be feared or hidden.
The best way to model emotional intelligence for your kids is to take care of your own. That might mean:
- Setting boundaries
- Talking to someone about your stress
- Giving yourself permission to rest
When kids see you managing your emotions in healthy ways — like taking a breath before responding in anger — they learn to do the same.
Prioritizing your mental well-being doesn’t just help you feel better — it also teaches your kids that emotional health is something worth protecting.
