If there’s one thing many of us dream about, it’s maintaining a lasting bond of respect with our children — even when they’re grown and have families or lives of their own.
The foundations of that respect are built long before they hit their teenage years or head off to college. It’s about the day-to-day habits we show them and the attitudes we model.
It’s easy to slip into certain patterns, especially when life gets hectic. But if we’re not careful, those patterns can erode the respect our kids feel for us over time.
I want to 7 seven habits I believe can undermine that parent-child connection. By recognizing them, we can intentionally move toward healthier ways of communicating and living side by side.
Let’s dive in.
01 Yelling instead of talking
Have you ever caught yourself raising your voice in the heat of a stressful moment, only to see your child’s eyes fill with fear or hurt?
I’ve been there, and it’s not a proud feeling. Yelling often feels like a quick fix to get kids to listen.
But in reality, it chips away at mutual respect.
As Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, has noted, children learn a great deal about regulating emotions from their parents.
That means if we default to shouting, they might end up believing yelling is a normal response to conflict.
Over time, yelling can create a sense of fear or resentment. Sure, it might get immediate compliance, but it doesn’t foster genuine respect.
A calmer approach, like stepping back to cool off and then talking it through, can make a world of difference.
When your child sees you handle frustration with self-control, they learn that respect is a two-way street:
We respect them enough not to lash out, and they in turn respect us for our emotional maturity.
02 Giving constant criticism
It’s natural to want the best for our kids, so we correct them and guide them in the right direction.
But there’s a line between constructive guidance and relentless nitpicking.
If every mistake results in a lecture, your child might begin to tune out your words — or worse, believe they can’t do anything right.
I’ve mentioned this before but there’s a difference between giving kids constructive feedback and making them feel judged all the time.
When criticism becomes constant, it undermines their sense of self-worth. They might grow to resent you for not seeing their improvements or for dismissing their efforts.
Instead, try balancing necessary corrections with genuine praise.
Notice the times they do well, not just the times they slip up. A positive environment fosters respect, while incessant negativity can stifle it.
03 Being overly controlling
We all want to protect our children, but being overly controlling often backfires.
If you micromanage your child’s every move — deciding all their activities, friendships, and interests — you risk sending the message that you don’t trust them to make good choices.
The result is that kids feel suffocated and rebel or worse — they become too dependent to make decisions on their own.
According to research highlighted by developmental psychologists, children thrive when they have a certain level of autonomy appropriate to their age.
Too much control can stifle their growth, dampen their curiosity, and make them question whether you believe in their capabilities.
If you’re seeking respect, consider giving them room to grow, make mistakes, and learn.
It’s a delicate balance, but stepping back sometimes can be one of the best ways to move forward in building trust and respect.
04 Not practicing what you preach
I remember a moment in my own childhood when a parent figure scolded me for a bad habit — one they themselves indulged in daily. It was confusing.
It sent mixed signals.
Let’s face it:
Hypocrisy sticks out like a sore thumb.
If you insist your kids eat healthy but you’re constantly bingeing on junk food, or if you tell them to treat everyone with kindness yet you’re rude to the server at dinner, they’ll notice.
And that disconnect can damage respect faster than almost anything else.
As Epictetus once said, “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” Your child is far more influenced by what you do than by what you say.
If you model honesty, compassion, discipline, and respect in your daily actions, your child can internalize those traits and hold you in high regard.
Conversely, if you contradict your own words, respect slips away in a hurry.
05 Dismissing their emotions
Have you ever brushed off your child’s fears with something like, “You’re just being dramatic,” or told them, “Stop crying over nothing”?
I catch myself occasionally wanting to say something along those lines, especially if it’s been a hectic day.
But dismissing or belittling our children’s feelings sends a message that their inner world doesn’t matter.
According to Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, validating your child’s emotions helps them feel understood, which strengthens the relationship.
When children feel heard, they are more likely to reciprocate empathy and respect. So instead of telling them to “calm down,” try listening to how they feel.
Ask questions:
- “Why do you think you felt so upset?”
- “What would help you feel better?”
That small shift can build a massive bridge of trust.
06 Never apologizing or admitting mistakes
Respect is a two-way street, and one of the quickest ways to show kids they matter is by owning your mistakes.
Maybe you yelled when you shouldn’t have, blamed them unfairly, or forgot an important event. Apologizing can be tough, especially when we feel pressure to maintain authority.
But admitting we’re human fosters genuine connection.
Oprah once said, “Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.”
There’s something powerful about telling your child, “I’m sorry. I messed up.”
It shows humility.
It demonstrates that mistakes aren’t something to hide but an opportunity to learn and grow.
This transparency builds respect because your child sees you as someone who values honesty and integrity above saving face.
07 Shutting down communication
Last but not least, many parents inadvertently shut down communication by not making time to talk or by ignoring what their kids are passionate about.
This can be as simple as staying glued to your phone when your child is trying to tell you about their day.
If it’s a recurring pattern, your child might think, “What’s the point of talking to Mom or Dad if they’re never really listening?”
Building respect means showing your child that what they say holds value.
Ask open-ended questions, show genuine curiosity about their interests (even if those interests baffle you), and schedule uninterrupted time to connect.
Here at Small Business Bonfire, we often highlight the importance of relationships in both personal and professional contexts.
Well, the parent-child relationship is no different—it requires intentional effort and respectful two-way conversation to thrive.
To sum up
Respect isn’t something that magically blossoms in your child’s teenage or adult years — it’s cultivated through the consistent, everyday interactions you share from the time they can barely walk and talk.
Whether it’s managing your tone of voice or giving them room to make some choices, every decision you make can either build respect or chip away at it.
None of us are perfect.
We all slip up.
But if you say goodbye to these 7 habits, you’re well on your way to nurturing the kind of bond that will have your child looking up to you for life.
Keep on the up and up
The post If you want your child to respect you as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 habits appeared first on Small Business Bonfire.
