Raising successful and confident kids isn’t just about telling them what to do, it’s about how you speak to them.
It’s not just empty praise, but recognizing and acknowledging their strengths, efforts and improvement. And, believe me, it goes a long way towards shaping their future.
In this article, I’ll share 9 specific things you should start praising your kids for, to help them become more confident and successful. Because the words we use as parents have more power than we realize.
Let’s get started.
1) Effort over outcome
Imagine your child has just finished a difficult test at school. Whether they aced it or bombed it, what’s your instinctive response?
Chances are, you’re inclined to praise them if they’ve done well, and console them if they haven’t. That’s natural. But here’s the thing: it’s not necessarily what’s best for them.
What we should be doing is praising their effort – not the outcome.
According to psychological research, children who are praised for their efforts tend to develop a growth mindset. This means they see challenges as opportunities to grow, rather than as threats to their self-esteem.
On the other hand, children who are praised for their results tend to develop a fixed mindset, where they see their abilities as static and unchangeable.
2) Their ability to handle failure
When my daughter was learning to ride a bike, she fell many times. It was hard for me as a parent to watch her struggle, but I knew I had to let her experience failure.
I would tell her, “I’m so proud of how you’re handling this. You fell off, but you got up and tried again. That shows real courage.” And I meant every word.
It wasn’t about whether she could ride the bike or not. It was about how she responded to falling off. That was what I wanted to praise.
Believe it or not, that’s the kind of resilience that leads to success in life. It’s not about never failing; it’s about getting back up when you do.
3) Kindness towards others
In a study by Harvard University, it was discovered that kids who perform acts of kindness are not only happier but also more popular among their peers.
This tells us that praising our kids for their kindness towards others can go a long way in boosting their confidence and helping them succeed in social settings.
When you notice your child sharing their toys, helping a sibling, or even being polite to adults, don’t let it slide. Make it a point to praise them for it. Say something like, “I noticed you shared your toys with your brother; that was very kind.”
By doing this, you’re encouraging them to continue being kind and emphasizing the importance of treating others well. Plus, it’s also a great way to help them build strong social skills, which are crucial for success later in life.
4) Expressing their feelings
We live in a world where expressing feelings is often seen as a sign of weakness. However, it’s quite the opposite. Being able to express one’s feelings appropriately is a mark of emotional intelligence, a trait linked to better relationships, better career prospects, and overall greater success in life.
When your child opens up about their feelings, whether it’s anger, sadness, joy, or fear, acknowledge it. Say something like, “I appreciate you telling me how you felt when your friend didn’t share his toy with you. It’s okay to feel upset.”
By doing this, you’re not only validating their feelings but also teaching them that it’s okay to express emotions. This communication will help them become more self-aware and develop stronger relationships in the future.
5) Taking initiative
When your child takes the initiative, whether it’s doing their homework without being asked, cleaning up their toys, or even making their bed, it’s important to acknowledge it.
Taking initiative is a sign of self-discipline and responsibility, traits that play a significant role in achieving success in various aspects of life.
When your child takes the initiative, make sure you praise them for it. Say something like, “I noticed you did your homework without me having to remind you. That’s very responsible of you.”
Praising them for taking initiative not only boosts their confidence but also encourages them to continue being proactive and responsible.
6) Being themselves
In a world that often pressures us to fit into certain molds, being true to oneself is a commendable trait. And it’s one we should encourage in our children from a young age.
When your child embraces their uniqueness, whether it’s in their taste in music, their choice of clothes, or even their quirky sense of humor, praise them for it. Tell them, “I love how you always stay true to yourself.”
This reinforces the idea that they don’t need to change who they are to fit in or be accepted. It encourages them to keep being authentic and to value their individuality.
Being comfortable in one’s own skin is a massive confidence booster. And it’s this kind of self-assuredness that paves the way for success.
7) Respecting boundaries
I remember a time when my son was playing with a friend who had just gotten a new toy. His friend wasn’t ready to share it yet, and my son, as much as he wanted to play with the toy, respected his friend’s boundary.
I took this as an opportunity to praise him. “I noticed how you respected your friend’s wish not to share his new toy. That was very respectful of you.”
Respecting boundaries is a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships. By praising our kids when they respect others’ boundaries, we teach them the importance of consent and mutual respect, skills that will serve them well in their personal and professional lives.
8) Being patient
Patience is a virtue, it’s said. And it’s one that’s becoming increasingly rare in our fast-paced world.
When your child shows patience, whether it’s waiting for their turn on the swing, or waiting for the cookies to bake in the oven, acknowledge it. Say something like, “I noticed how patiently you waited for your turn on the swing. That was really mature of you.”
Praising your child for their patience encourages them to continue being patient and acknowledges the importance of this quality. Patience is a key characteristic of emotional intelligence, and practicing it can lead to better decision-making and success in life.
9) Showing gratitude
Gratitude is more than just good manners. It’s a mindset that can dramatically improve our quality of life.
When your child expresses gratitude, whether it’s for a meal you cooked or a gift they received, praise them for it. Say something like, “I love how you always say thank you when someone does something nice for you.”
By praising your child for showing gratitude, you’re encouraging them to continue being thankful, which fosters a positive outlook and overall happiness. And isn’t that what we ultimately want for our children? To be happy, successful and confident in their own unique ways.
