If you want your marriage to last forever, say goodbye to these 8 subtle behaviors

1) Nitpicking

Love is in the details, but so are the cracks that can break a marriage.

In my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that one of the most damaging behaviors in a marriage is nitpicking.

It’s the small, seemingly insignificant criticisms that we can’t help but point out, and it can eat away at the foundation of your relationship over time.

You might think it’s harmless to point out how your spouse always leaves their socks on the floor or never puts the toothpaste cap back on.

But these small criticisms, when constant, can lead to resentment and frustration.

Remember, it’s not about ignoring issues or bottling up feelings, but rather about choosing your battles wisely. Not every little thing needs to be a point of contention.

2) Holding grudges

As someone who’s been married for over 20 years, I can tell you—grudges get you nowhere.

Holding onto past mistakes and arguments is like dragging around a suitcase full of rocks.

It’s heavy, it’s tiring, and it keeps you from moving forward.

Let me tell you a personal story.

Early in my marriage, I harbored a grudge against my husband for a small mistake he made.

I held onto it for weeks, letting it fester and grow until it was all I could think about—but when I finally let it go, the relief was instantaneous.

In the wise words of Martin Luther King Jr., “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”

3) Codependency

A healthy marriage is about two independent individuals coming together, not two halves becoming a whole.

Codependency is a subtle behavior that can be detrimental to your relationship.

It’s when you start to lose yourself in your partner, relying on them for your happiness and self-worth.

I’ve seen it happen countless times in my career as a relationship expert and, let me tell you, it’s a slippery slope.

But don’t worry, help is at hand.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deep into this subject.

I provide practical advice and steps to help you maintain your individuality while still being part of a loving partnership.

So if you’re serious about making your marriage last forever, take the time to examine your relationship for signs of codependency.

4) Avoiding conflict

It may sound counterintuitive, but avoiding conflict isn’t always a good thing for your marriage.

We often associate conflict with negativity and try to steer clear of it at all costs.

But the truth is, disagreements are a natural and healthy part of any relationship.

Avoiding conflict might give you temporary peace, but it also means you’re avoiding the chance to address issues and grow as a couple.

Unresolved issues pile up over time and can lead to resentment, which is far more damaging than an honest argument.

If you’re truly committed to making your marriage last forever, don’t shy away from conflict.

Embrace it as an opportunity to understand your partner better and strengthen your bond.

5) Neglecting self-care

Marriage is about togetherness, but it’s equally important to take care of yourself.

Here’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

A few years into my marriage, I realized I was so engrossed in taking care of my family that I’d forgotten to take care of myself.

My health was suffering, and it was affecting my mood and energy levels.

It took me a while to understand that self-care is not selfish; you can’t pour from an empty cup.

By taking time for myself, I was able to be a better partner and mother.

So, remember to carve out some ‘me’ time in your busy schedule.

Make sure you’re doing something for yourself regularly, whether it’s:

6) Expecting perfection

Here’s a raw, honest truth: your spouse is not perfect—and neither are you!

We all come with our quirks and flaws, and marriage is about accepting these imperfections, not trying to iron them out.

Expecting your partner to be perfect is a surefire way to set your marriage up for disappointment.

It puts unnecessary pressure on your spouse to meet an unrealistic standard and can lead to resentment on both sides.

The beauty of marriage lies in its imperfection.

It’s about two flawed individuals coming together and creating something beautiful despite their shortcomings.

7) Forgetting to communicate

Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and I don’t just mean talking about your day or discussing who’s going to do the dishes.

I mean really communicating—sharing your feelings, your fears, and your dreams.

I remember a time in my own marriage when we got so caught up in the daily grind that we forgot to really talk to each other.

It was like we were two ships passing in the night.

But once we started opening up again, our relationship became stronger than ever.

8) Taking each other for granted

This is perhaps the most common yet overlooked behavior in a marriage: taking each other for granted.

It’s all too easy to slip into the routine of everyday life and forget to appreciate the little things your spouse does—whether it’s making coffee in the morning, handling chores, or simply being there.

We forget to say ‘thank you’ or ‘I love you’ just because.

But here’s the raw, honest truth: appreciation is the glue that holds a marriage together.

It’s those small gestures of gratitude that foster love, respect, and goodwill, reminding your partner they’re valued and seen.

Final thoughts

If you want your marriage to thrive and last a lifetime, saying goodbye to these 8 subtle behaviors is a great place to start.

Remember, it’s not about perfection—it’s about being aware of the little things that can sneak into your relationship and cause damage over time.

The best part? Every day is an opportunity to strengthen your bond, grow together, and build the kind of love that really can last forever.

For more advice and practical steps on how to maintain a healthy relationship, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

It’s packed with insights that can help you navigate the complexities of love and marriage.

Lastly, I invite you to embrace those small changes, stay connected, and keep showing up for each other—because that’s what makes love truly stand the test of time!