Do you ever feel like you’re doing all the right things, only to end up pushing women away?
It happens more often than you’d think. Sometimes, without meaning to, men display behaviors that can come off as desperate, and the worst part is—you might not even realize you’re doing it.
But don’t worry, as a relationship expert, I’m here to help.
In this article, we’ll look at some very common behaviors that could be making you seem desperate to women and what you can do to avoid them.
Let’s get into it!
1) Overbearing persistence
It’s a common misconception that persistence always pays off in the game of love. In reality, there’s a delicate balance to strike.
Showing interest is one thing, but persistently chasing after a woman, despite her clear signs of disinterest, can quickly cross into the territory of desperation.
This is a trap many men fall into, without even realizing it. They think they’re merely demonstrating their dedication and interest. But from the woman’s perspective, it can be overwhelming and off-putting.
While it’s important to show interest, it’s equally crucial to know when to pull back and give space. Keep this in mind to avoid coming off as desperate.
2) Overcompensating with gifts
We all appreciate a thoughtful gift or gesture from time to time. But there’s a difference between a genuine token of affection and trying to buy someone’s love.
Many men, in their eagerness to impress or win over a woman, may overcompensate by constantly showering her with gifts. However, this can end up sending the wrong message. It can come off as trying too hard or even as a way to ‘buy’ affection – which smacks of desperation.
I’ve seen this happen far too many times.
If this sounds like you, know that your worth in a relationship is not determined by the material things you can provide, but by the emotional support, respect and love you bring.
This is backed up by research, too. In a 2019 survey of 64,000 women, a whopping 88% of them said that “kindness” was very important. This was followed by “supportiveness” at almost 87%.
Did money feature? Of course, but it was well down on the list with 60% of women saying “financial security” was very important and less than 40% saying so in European countries like Italy, Spain and France.
The lesson here? Don’t focus on buying expensive gifts to prove your worth, focus on being valuable to her in ways that money can’t buy. .
3) Constant validation seeking
“Do you still love me?” or “Are you sure I’m good enough for you?”…sound familiar?
In my book,Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deep into why this happens and how to overcome it. Codependency often lies at the root of this behavior, and understanding it is the first step in addressing the issue.
But for now, just know that this can be exhausting for a partner. A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and understanding, not constant reassurance.
It’s okay to seek validation occasionally, but when it becomes a constant need, it’s an issue.
4) Avoiding disagreement at all costs
Now, this one might seem counterintuitive. After all, aren’t we supposed to avoid conflict in relationships?
Well, not always.
Obviously, nobody likes constant disagreements. However, avoiding any form of disagreement or conflict at all costs can actually come off as weak. It can seem like you’re so afraid of losing the person that you’re willing to suppress your own opinions and feelings.
Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship. They can even be healthy, promoting growth and understanding when handled correctly.
A man who never disagrees or asserts his own opinion might think he’s keeping the peace. But to a woman, it can come off as a lack of authenticity or fear of expressing oneself.
5) Ignoring their own needs
Have you ever found yourself sacrificing your personal time, hobbies, or even friendships just to be more available for a woman?
This is a common mistake that often stems from fear—fear of not being good enough or fear of losing her if you’re not always around. But in reality, this behavior can make you seem needy and overbearing, rather than the attentive partner you’re aiming to be.
The truth is, when you constantly put aside your own needs, it not only leads to resentment but also backfires in the relationship. Women respect men who have a life of their own—someone who values his personal time, passions, and relationships.
6) Excessive texting and calling
While communication is key in any relationship, there’s a fine line between staying in touch and overwhelming her with constant messages.
Excessive texting or calling can come off as needy, especially if she’s not reciprocating at the same level. It sends the message that you’re anxious for her attention and validation, which can be a turn-off.
Instead of bombarding her with messages, try to give her room to miss you. It’s important to strike a balance between showing interest and giving her space to breathe.
7) Apologetic to a fault
We’ve all heard the phrase, “I’m sorry” can be the two most powerful words when used appropriately. But what happens when they are used excessively?
Once, during a coaching session, I had a client who would apologize for everything. He’d say sorry for things that weren’t his fault or even within his control. It took time for him to realize that he was using apologies as a shield against potential conflict.
Excessive apologies can make your partner feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you, which is not a good foundation for any relationship. It can also diminish the sincerity of your words and make you appear insecure.
Stand by your actions and words when they are justified. Apologize when necessary but do not use it as a crutch to avoid conflict or to appear more likable.
Conclusion
As always, I hope you found some value in this post.
If you find yourself resonating with some of these behaviors, don’t panic. Awareness is the first step to change. Take time to reassess your actions and ensure they align with the healthy, secure person you are or aspire to be.
Here’s to building strong, healthy relationships without losing yourself in the process. Happy dating!
