There’s a significant difference between truly being nice and just pretending to be.
The difference lies in authenticity. Men who pretend to be nice often have ulterior motives, hiding their real intentions behind a mask of charm.
Authentically nice men, however, act from a place of genuine kindness, with no hidden agendas.
Men who pretend to be nice are experts at concealing their true colors through subtle behaviors. And those in the know can spot these tell-tale signs.
Below are 10 subtle behaviors that men who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t usually display. Keep your eyes peeled for these signs because they can reveal a lot about a person’s true character.
1) Excessive charm
It’s essential to understand that charm can often be a double-edged sword.
Men who pretend to be nice are usually masters at turning on the charm. They’re the ones who know how to say all the right things at the right time, leaving you feeling special and important.
However, this charm isn’t genuine. It’s a tool they use to mask their true intentions and manipulate those around them.
The authentic nice guy, on the other hand, is genuinely kind and respectful. There’s no need for him to put on a show of excessive charm because he’s not hiding anything.
If you come across a man who seems too charming to be true, it might be worth taking a closer look. His behavior could indicate he’s pretending to be nice when in fact, he isn’t.
Excessive charm can often be a smokescreen for something far less pleasant lurking beneath the surface.
2) Frequent insincere compliments
There’s an old saying that compliments are like perfume – they should be sniffed, not swallowed. And I’ve found this especially true when dealing with men who pretend to be nice.
I remember meeting this guy once, let’s call him Jack. Jack had a habit of showering me with compliments every time we interacted. At first, it was flattering and made me feel good about myself.
However, as time went on, I noticed that these compliments often lacked depth and sincerity. They were mostly about my looks and rarely about my personality or achievements.
Furthermore, Jack would compliment everyone excessively – from the barista at the coffee shop to casual acquaintances. It didn’t take long for me to realize that these compliments were not genuine expressions of admiration, but rather a manipulation tool he used to keep people on his side.
The lesson here is simple – if a man is constantly giving you shallow and insincere compliments, chances are he’s not as nice as he appears to be. Authentic nice guys give meaningful compliments because they truly admire something about you, not because they’re trying to manipulate you.
3) Never takes responsibility
One of the more subtle behaviors of men who pretend to be nice is their inability to take responsibility for their actions. They are quick to point fingers and blame others when things go wrong, rather than owning up to their mistakes.
Psychologically, this behavior is rooted in something called the self-serving bias. This bias causes people to attribute positive events to their own character, but attribute negative events to external factors.
In other words, if something good happens, it’s because they’re great. If something bad happens, it’s because of someone else or circumstances beyond their control.
This unwillingness to take responsibility can be quite revealing. An authentically nice guy knows that everyone makes mistakes and isn’t afraid to admit when he’s wrong. On the other hand, a man who’s pretending to be nice will do everything he can to avoid accepting blame.
4) Constantly plays the victim
Another subtle behavior to watch out for is the tendency to always play the victim. Men who pretend to be nice often paint themselves as the innocent party in every situation.
They have a knack for twisting stories and manipulating facts so that they always appear to be the one being wronged. This behavior is a way for them to avoid taking responsibility and to gain sympathy from others.
Authentically nice men, by contrast, are honest about their part in a situation and don’t resort to playing the victim to win people over.
If you find a man constantly playing the victim and refusing to acknowledge his part in any negative situation, it may be a sign that he’s not as nice as he seems.
5) Lack of consistent actions
Actions speak louder than words. This age-old saying holds especially true when identifying men who pretend to be nice.
These men are often all talk and no action. They make grand promises and say all the right things, but when it comes to following through, they fall short.
Authentic nice guys, on the other hand, consistently back up their words with actions. They don’t just tell you they care, they show it through their behavior.
If you notice a discrepancy between a man’s words and his actions, take note. It could be a clear sign that he’s merely pretending to be nice.
6) Inability to empathize
At the heart of every truly nice person is the ability to empathize – to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s what allows us to connect with each other on a deeper level.
Men who pretend to be nice often lack this crucial ability. They may mimic the motions of empathy, saying the right things or offering a shoulder to lean on, but they struggle to genuinely understand or share your feelings.
It can be a lonely experience to share your deepest thoughts and fears with someone who just doesn’t get it. A man who truly cares about you will make the effort to understand your feelings and perspective.
If you find yourself feeling alone even when you’re sharing your thoughts with a man, take it as a red flag. Genuine empathy is not something that can be faked, and its absence often suggests he’s pretending to be nicer than he really is.
7) Controlling tendencies
I once dated a man who seemed incredibly nice at first. He was charming, attentive and always willing to help. However, as time passed, I started noticing his need to control every aspect of our relationship.
He wanted to decide everything – from where we ate, to who we hung out with, to how I should dress. It was as if he viewed me less as a partner and more as a project he could mould to his liking.
It took me some time to realize that this was not normal or healthy behavior. Truly nice men respect your autonomy and understand that you have the right to make your own choices.
Beware of men who exhibit controlling tendencies disguised as concern or love. It’s a telltale sign they’re not as nice as they seem.
8) Overly agreeable
It might seem odd, but a man who agrees with everything you say isn’t necessarily as nice as he appears.
Men who pretend to be nice often avoid conflicts and disagreements at all costs. They constantly agree with your opinions, even when it’s clear they have a different point of view.
While it might feel good to always be ‘right’, this lack of genuine dialogue can hinder deeper emotional connection. Authentic nice guys are not afraid to respectfully challenge your opinions or share their own thoughts.
If a man never disagrees with you or voices his own opinion, it might be time to question his authenticity. Being agreeable isn’t the same as being genuinely nice.
9) Insensitive humor
Humor can be a wonderful way to connect with people. However, it can also be used as a disguise for unkind behavior.
Men who pretend to be nice often use insensitive or offensive humor, making hurtful jokes at the expense of others. When confronted, they tend to dismiss any criticism by saying things like “It’s just a joke” or “You’re too sensitive”.
Authentically nice men, on the other hand, use humor to uplift and connect with others, not to belittle or hurt them.
If a man frequently uses insensitive humor and dismisses your concerns about it, it’s a clear sign that he’s not as nice as he presents himself to be.
10) Disrespect towards boundaries
The most crucial behavior to watch out for is disrespect towards boundaries. Men who pretend to be nice often have little regard for personal boundaries.
They intrude on your personal space, disregard your feelings, and ignore your requests for them to stop certain behaviors. They justify their actions with excuses or outright denial, claiming that they’re just being friendly or caring.
An authentically nice man respects your boundaries and values your comfort and well-being above all else. He understands that true respect involves honoring personal boundaries and listening when you express discomfort.
If a man consistently disrespects your boundaries despite your efforts to communicate, it’s a significant red flag that he’s not as nice as he appears to be.
Final thoughts: It’s all about authenticity
Every behavior mentioned in this article – from excessive charm to disrespecting boundaries – is a potential indicator of a person’s authenticity or lack thereof.
Remember, genuinely nice men don’t need to pretend or manipulate. Their actions are consistent, their compliments are sincere, and their respect for others is unwavering.
So, the next time you encounter a man who seems ‘too good to be true’, take a moment to observe his behaviors. Watch for these signs. Listen to your intuition.
And most importantly, remember that you deserve to be treated with genuine kindness and respect. Because authenticity, in any relationship, is not just desirable – it’s essential.
