Why are some people always unhappy, no matter what they achieve or experience?
If we were to take a guess, it might seem like they just have bad luck or that life is simply unfair. But there’s often something deeper going on beneath the surface.
In fact, many people who are stuck in a cycle of unhappiness unknowingly engage in behaviors that perpetuate their discontent. These patterns are subtle, but they can have a powerful impact on overall well-being.
Today, we’ll delve into these behaviors, not for judgment or ridicule but for understanding and, perhaps, self-reflection. Because sometimes acknowledging a pattern is the first step toward changing it.
1) Constant comparison
Comparison, as they say, is the thief of joy. Yet, many of us unknowingly indulge in it, often to our own detriment.
Whether it’s comparing accomplishments, wealth, or even perceived happiness, this constant need to measure our lives against others can breed discontentment and unhappiness. As noted by the folks at Better Help, it can even cause “decreased self-esteem and psychological distress.”
It places us on a never-ending treadmill of dissatisfaction, where there’s always a new goalpost, a new benchmark.
Unfortunately, in this age of social media where everyone’s ‘highlight reel’ is on display, it becomes even easier to fall into this comparative trap without realizing it.
The solution?
As advised by clinical psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson in his bestselling book 12 Rules For Life, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” Y
2) Dwelling on the past
Another behavior I’ve often noticed in individuals who struggle with chronic unhappiness is a tendency to dwell on the past.
As someone who’s been on a personal journey of mindfulness, I’ve experienced firsthand how damaging this can be.
I remember spending years caught up in regrets about past decisions and ‘what ifs’, replaying conversations and scenarios in my mind. This left me feeling stuck, unable to enjoy the present or look forward to the future.
In retrospect, I see how this fixation with the past was a major roadblock to my happiness. It wasn’t until I consciously made an effort to let go and focus on the present that I began to find peace.
As the famous psychologist and Holocaust survivor, Dr. Viktor Frankl, once said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Understanding that the past cannot be changed but our reaction to it can be is a powerful step towards cultivating happiness.
3) Maintaining a large ego
This is a big one.
Ego, in moderation, can be healthy. It helps us maintain our self-esteem and assert our individuality. However, when the ego becomes oversized, it can lead to perpetual dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
You see, when our ego is oversized, we become overly sensitive to criticism, crave constant validation, and struggle with insecurity. This prevents us from seeing the world as it truly is and hinders our personal growth.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into this issue in depth. I explain how an oversized ego can impact your happiness and provide practical strategies to keep it in check.
Recognizing and addressing our ego can be a crucial step towards fostering happiness in our lives.
4) Neglecting self-care
A common thread running through those who often feel unhappy is the neglect of self-care.
From a psychological perspective, neglecting self-care can lead to a multitude of problems. As noted by the folks at Psych Central, these include low energy, reduced performance at work, lack of motivation to do social activities, and even feelings of hopelessness.
But what does a lack of self-care actually look like?
Well, practically speaking, this could mean skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, ignoring personal hygiene, or not taking time out for relaxation and leisure. More subtly, it could also mean constantly putting others’ needs before your own, leading to burnout.
5) Avoiding discomfort
While it seems intuitive to seek comfort and avoid unpleasant situations, this can actually hinder our growth and happiness in the long run.
From a psychological standpoint, avoiding discomfort can trap us in our comfort zones, inhibiting personal growth and self-improvement. We miss out on valuable opportunities for learning and development because we’re too afraid of the discomfort that might come with them.
In contrast, embracing discomfort – be it physical, emotional, or mental – can lead to resilience, adaptability, and ultimately, a deeper sense of fulfillment and happiness.
6) Ignoring gratitude
Many individuals caught in the cycle of unhappiness often overlook a simple yet powerful practice – gratitude.
At one point in life, amidst the chaos and challenges, the beauty and blessings often faded into the background. It felt like a constant uphill battle with no room for appreciation.
It wasn’t until the practice of daily gratitude was incorporated that a shift began to occur. Even in the midst of adversity, there were still things to be grateful for – a warm bed, good health, a supportive friend, or even a sunny day.
As noted by experts, gratitude is consistently associated with greater happiness. Don’t overlook it.
7) Holding onto resentment
Last but definitely not least, resentment.
Resentment can stem from past hurts, perceived injustices, or unresolved conflicts. It’s like carrying a heavy burden that weighs you down emotionally.
The key to letting go of resentment lies in forgiveness. This doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt or condoning the wrong.
Rather, it’s about releasing the negative emotions associated with the event and reclaiming your peace of mind.
Final thoughts: The journey towards happiness
These behaviors, like constant comparison or clinging to resentment, can quietly sabotage the ability to enjoy life’s victories.
But the good news is, acknowledging these patterns offers a chance for change.
As we conclude, consider this: the next step to breaking free of unhappiness may not lie in achieving more—but in letting go of what’s holding you back.
By fostering gratitude, addressing past wounds, and embracing a healthier perspective, we can begin to shift the narrative.
As always, I hope you found some value and inspiration in this post.
Until next time, stay strong.
