Understanding human behavior can be a complex task. Yet, some patterns often emerge, especially among those who are genuinely kind but struggle with low self-esteem.
These individuals often exhibit certain behaviors without even realizing it. They might be instinctively generous, always putting others first. Or they may constantly undermine their own achievements, no matter how significant they are.
Being truly kind yet having low self-esteem is a unique combination that leads to certain actions. I’m going to highlight seven of these behaviors that are commonly displayed by such individuals.
Let’s get started.
1) Constantly apologizing
There’s a certain trait that’s often observed in those who are genuinely kind but battle with low self-esteem – they apologize excessively.
This behavior is more than just being overly polite. It’s a reflection of their internal struggle, their belief that they need to apologize not just for mistakes, but for merely existing.
It might seem like a small thing, but constant apologizing can reveal a lot about someone’s self-esteem. It’s their way of staying in the background, of not ruffling any feathers. They might feel it’s easier to say sorry than to risk upsetting someone else.
When you notice this pattern of behavior, it might be an indication that the person is genuinely kind-hearted but struggles with feeling worthy or valuable.
2) Undermining their own accomplishments
Here’s something I’ve noticed in my own interactions. People with low self-esteem, despite being deeply kind, have a tendency to downplay their own achievements.
I recall a close friend of mine who has always been a warm and kind soul. But she struggled with low self-esteem. When she was promoted at work for her outstanding performance, instead of celebrating, she brushed it off saying, “It’s not a big deal. Anyone could have done it.”
This kind of self-deprecating behavior is common among those who are truly kind but have low self-esteem. They often find it hard to accept their success and attribute it to luck or other people, rather than their own hard work and talent.
While it’s important to stay humble, it’s equally essential to acknowledge and celebrate our successes. And if you notice someone constantly undermining their achievements, they might be dealing with low self-esteem.
3) Overcompensating through extreme kindness
It’s often seen that individuals with low self-esteem, particularly those with a kind heart, tend to be excessively generous. They are the ones who would go out of their way to help others, in hopes of being appreciated and accepted.
There’s a psychological term for this behavior – ‘overcompensation’. It’s a defense mechanism where individuals make up for their perceived inadequacies by excelling in other areas. In this case, they use extreme kindness to compensate for their low self-worth.
This behavior is widely observed in various studies on self-esteem and personality traits. For instance, research suggests that people with low self-esteem often engage in prosocial behaviors like helping others, to boost their own self-worth.
While kindness is indeed a virtue, it’s crucial to understand the difference between genuine kindness and overcompensation. And if you notice someone always going the extra mile for others but neglecting themselves, they might be struggling with low self-esteem.
4) Seeking constant validation
Another common behavior in people who are genuinely kind but struggle with low self-esteem is their need for constant validation. They often look to others to confirm their worth, be it their decisions, abilities, or even their very existence.
It’s not just about getting compliments or approval. It’s a deep-seated need to feel valued and accepted. They might always ask for others’ opinions before making decisions or frequently check if they’re doing okay.
This behavior is rooted in their low self-esteem. They doubt their own value and hence seek external validation as a reassurance of their worth.
It’s important not to confuse this with feedback seeking. While constructive feedback is healthy, constantly seeking validation indicates a lack of self-confidence and should be addressed with empathy and understanding.
5) Avoiding attention at all costs
Years ago, I’d always try to blend into the background. Whether it was in a meeting or at a social gathering, I preferred to go unnoticed. I was kind to others, always lending a hand when needed, but the thought of being the center of attention made me uncomfortable.
This is a common behavior exhibited by people who are kind-hearted but have low self-esteem. They prefer to stay in the shadow, avoiding any spotlight or attention. They might even feel uncomfortable when complimented or recognized for their efforts.
The fear of being judged or criticized often makes them retreat into their shell. They would rather go unnoticed than risk making a mistake in front of others.
If you notice someone consistently avoiding attention, they might be dealing with low self-esteem. It’s important to approach them with care and encourage them to embrace their worthiness.
6) Struggling with accepting compliments
Ever noticed how some people squirm or deflect when they’re complimented? This is a common behavior among individuals who are genuinely kind but suffer from low self-esteem.
Instead of accepting the compliment gracefully, they might downplay it, reject it or redirect it back to the person giving it. They might respond with something like, “Oh, this old thing?” or “I didn’t really do much.”
This struggle with accepting compliments stems from their low self-worth. They find it hard to believe that they could be deserving of praise or positive attention.
It’s important to recognize this behavior and respond with patience and understanding. Encourage them to accept compliments and help them see their own worth.
7) Neglecting their own needs
The most critical behavior to look out for is the neglect of personal needs. Those who are genuinely kind but have low self-esteem frequently prioritize others’ needs over their own.
They might skip meals, lose sleep, or ignore their own emotional well-being while tending to others. They are more likely to put others’ comfort and happiness before their own, often to their own detriment.
This self-neglect can have serious implications on their health and overall wellbeing. It’s crucial to address this behavior and help them understand the importance of self-care. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
The power of empathy and understanding
Understanding these behaviors isn’t just about identifying them. It’s about acknowledging the pain underneath and approaching these individuals with empathy.
As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” For those grappling with low self-esteem, acceptance – from themselves and from others – can be a powerful catalyst for change.
Their kindness isn’t a flaw. Their low self-esteem isn’t a permanent state. With understanding, patience, and consistent support, they can begin to see their true worth.
In the end, it’s essential to remember that everyone has their own battles to fight. Kindness, understanding, and empathy can make all the difference. That’s not just for those with low self-esteem – it’s for all of us.
