People who are successful but have unresolved trauma usually display these 7 behaviors

1) Hyperfocus on work

Ever met someone who seems to live and breathe their work? Someone who’s always the first in and last out of the office, toiling away long after everyone else has called it a day?

While a strong work ethic is admirable, it can often be a coping mechanism for individuals dealing with unresolved trauma.

See, by immersing themselves in work, they’re able to distract themselves from painful emotions or memories. It’s like a form of escape.

The problem is that this hyperfocus on work can lead to:

• Burnout
• Strained relationships
• Unbalanced lifestyle

While this extreme work ethic might contribute to their success, it could also be preventing them from entirely dealing with their trauma.

2) Difficulty trusting others

Let me share a little story with you. Years ago, I was part of a startup team.

We were all young, ambitious, and ready to change the world. But there was one member of the team, let’s call him Jake, who stood out.

Jake was remarkably talented and driven.

He was the kind of guy who could work magic with a few lines of code or a quick brainstorming session. But when it came to interpersonal relationships, things were a bit different.

Jake had a hard time trusting others, myself included.

Even after years of working together, he would often double-check my work or take over tasks entirely on his own, just because he found it hard to delegate and trust.

It wasn’t until much later that I learned about Jake’s troubled past. The unresolved trauma he carried made it difficult for him to trust others, even in a professional setting.

This lack of trust can hinder collaboration and team dynamics. It’s another behavior that successful individuals with unresolved trauma might exhibit, often affecting their personal and professional relationships.

3) Perfectionism

Perfection. It’s a word that’s thrown around a lot, isn’t it? In a world where we’re constantly striving for more, better, faster, we often find ourselves falling into the trap of perfectionism.

I must admit, I’ve been there myself.

Chasing the elusive “perfect” project, the “perfect” presentation, the “perfect” anything really. But here’s what I’ve come to realize – perfectionism is not always about high standards or meticulousness. Sometimes, it’s about fear.

Successful people carrying unresolved trauma may harbor deep-seated fears of making mistakes or failing.

They might feel that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. That they are unacceptable.

I’ve seen this in colleagues who spend sleepless nights fine-tuning presentations or rewriting reports until they’re word perfect.

Their need for perfection isn’t just about doing a good job; it’s a shield to protect themselves from criticism or failure.

When the fear of failure becomes paralyzing, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.

4) Emotional unavailability

Emotional availability is the capacity to share and respond to others’ emotions. It’s the foundation of deep, meaningful relationships.

But for some successful individuals grappling with unresolved trauma, emotional availability can be a tough nut to crack.

They may seem distant or detached, not because they don’t care, but because connecting on an emotional level feels risky.

It’s as if opening up could lead to a flood of unwanted feelings, memories or vulnerabilities.

I’ve come across colleagues who would rather discuss business strategies than express how they’re feeling. They’ve built walls around their emotions, possibly as a defense mechanism against their unresolved trauma.

Emotional unavailability isn’t a life sentence. With understanding, patience, and professional help if necessary, it’s possible to break down these emotional barriers and foster healthier connections.

5) Constant need for control

Did you know that trauma can often leave individuals feeling powerless and out of control? It’s true, and it’s one of the reasons why some successful people with unresolved trauma may exhibit a strong need for control.

They might feel compelled to micromanage everything around them, from their work projects to their personal lives. They might insist on doing things their way, resisting change or new ideas.

This controlling behavior can be their way of compensating for the lack of control they felt during their traumatic experiences.

They may believe that by maintaining control, they can prevent further pain or hurt.

While it’s natural to crave a sense of control in our lives, clinging too tightly can stifle creativity, flexibility, and growth. It can create tension in relationships and restrict personal development.

6) Disconnection from self

Sometimes, life’s most hurtful experiences can leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves. It’s as if the trauma creates a fracture in our self-identity.

And this feeling of disconnection can linger, often unnoticed, even as we climb the ladder of success.

Successful individuals with unresolved trauma might find themselves constantly playing roles:

• The brilliant entrepreneur
• The charismatic leader
• The high achiever

Yet, beneath these roles, they might feel a sense of emptiness or confusion about who they truly are.

It’s not uncommon to lose sight of oneself in the pursuit of success, especially when wrestling with past trauma. But reconnecting with your true self is possible.

It takes time, patience, and sometimes professional help.

7) Difficulty accepting praise

When you’ve done a great job, you should feel proud, right? Bask in the glow of a job well done, accept compliments graciously, and give yourself a pat on the back.

But for some successful individuals with unresolved trauma, accepting praise can be unexpectedly challenging.

They might dismiss their accomplishments as mere luck or downplay their hard work. They might feel uncomfortable or even guilty when praised.

This reluctance to accept praise often stems from deep-seated feelings of unworthiness or fear of attention that trauma can induce.

Every accomplishment, big or small, is a testament to your efforts, skills, and resilience.

You deserve to celebrate your wins and embrace the praise that comes your way – not despite your past trauma, but because of the strength you’ve shown in spite of it.

Final thoughts