There’s a huge difference between understanding how someone feels and just assuming it.
This difference boils down to empathy. Lack of empathy means not being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, often resulting in phrases that can unintentionally hurt others.
Speaking without empathy often means that you’re unaware of the emotional impact your words can have on others. However, some phrases are common among those who lack this crucial trait.
In this article, we’ll look at the nine phrases often used by individuals who lack empathy, often without realizing their potential hurtful impact.
Let’s delve into these phrases so we can better understand their effects and learn how to communicate more empathetically.
1) “You’re too sensitive”
Empathy is much more than just understanding someone’s feelings; it’s about validating them too.
Now, picture this: a person opens up about their feelings, only to be told they’re overreacting. This can be quite damaging.
The phrase “You’re too sensitive” is commonly used by people who lack empathy. While it might seem like a harmless observation to the speaker, it can feel dismissive and belittling to the person on the receiving end.
This phrase invalidates a person’s emotions and can make them feel like their feelings are not justified or important. It’s a classic example of gaslighting, making the other person question their own emotional reactions.
When we tell someone they’re too sensitive, we’re essentially saying their emotions are wrong. Remember, everyone has a right to their feelings and emotions. It’s not for us to judge if they’re being too sensitive or not.
2) “It’s not that big of a deal”
I remember a time when I had a rough day at work. Deadlines were piling up, the pressure was mounting, and I felt like I was drowning in tasks.
When I spoke to a friend about it, their response was, “It’s not that big of a deal. Just relax and you’ll get through it.”
While their intention might have been to help me see things from a different perspective, it felt dismissive of my stress. It made me feel like my problems were insignificant and that I was overreacting.
That’s the issue with the phrase “It’s not that big of a deal”. It may seem like an attempt to provide perspective or calm someone down, but it can often make the other person feel like their problems are being minimized.
People who lack empathy frequently use this phrase, failing to realize that what may not be a big deal to them can be overwhelming for someone else.
3) “I don’t see what the problem is”
The phrase “I don’t see what the problem is” can be a clear indicator of a lack of empathy. Here’s why.
A study conducted by the University of Michigan found that empathy levels in college students have dropped by nearly 40% over the past few decades. This drop was accompanied by an increase in self-centeredness and egocentric behavior.
When someone says, “I don’t see what the problem is”, they’re often viewing the situation solely from their own perspective, without considering how it might affect others. This self-centered viewpoint can lead to a lack of understanding and validation for the feelings of others.
The key to empathetic communication is understanding that everyone has their own experiences, feelings, and perspectives. Just because we can’t immediately see a problem doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist for others.
4) “Get over it”
“Get over it” is another phrase frequently used by those who lack empathy. It’s a knee-jerk response that can hurt the person on the receiving end.
Telling someone to “get over it” dismisses their feelings and experiences. It implies that their emotional response is unwarranted or exaggerated, and that they should simply move on.
The reality is, people process emotions at their own pace. What might be easy for one person to “get over” might be a significant struggle for another.
Instead of dismissing someone’s feelings with a “get over it”, expressing understanding and offering support can be a far more empathetic response. By doing this, we validate their feelings and show that we’re there for them, helping to build a stronger, more supportive relationship.
5) “That’s just how I am”
We’ve all come across the phrase “That’s just how I am” at some point. This phrase is often used as a defense mechanism to avoid taking responsibility for one’s actions or words that may have hurt others.
People who lack empathy use this phrase to justify their behavior without considering its impact on others. It serves as an excuse to avoid making changes or improving their interactions with others.
However, using our personality traits as an excuse for hurtful behavior isn’t fair or respectful to those around us. Self-awareness and personal growth are essential parts of being empathetic and understanding the effects of our actions on others.
By being aware of the potential impact of this phrase, we can strive towards more thoughtful communication and foster better relationships.
6) “It could be worse”
The phrase “It could be worse” is often used with the intent to comfort or provide perspective. But those four words can sometimes do more harm than good.
Imagine someone sharing their struggles with you, and instead of offering comfort or understanding, you respond with “It could be worse”. This can make them feel like their problems are trivial or unimportant.
We all face different challenges, and what might seem minor to us could be a major issue to someone else. When we respond with “It could be worse”, we’re invalidating the person’s feelings and experiences.
True empathy means recognizing and validating another person’s feelings, no matter how small their concerns may seem to us. It’s about lending an ear, offering support, and showing that we understand their feelings.
7) “I know exactly how you feel”
This might sound surprising, but even I’ve been guilty of using the phrase “I know exactly how you feel”. It’s a common phrase we use when trying to connect with someone who’s going through a tough time.
However, I’ve come to realize that it’s impossible to fully understand what another person is going through, even if we’ve faced a similar situation. Each person’s feelings and experiences are unique to them.
When we say “I know exactly how you feel”, we risk trivializing their experience. It can come off as dismissive and insincere, even if our intentions are good.
A more empathetic approach would be to say “I can’t fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” This shows that we acknowledge their unique experience and are ready to support them in their journey.
8) “That’s life”
“Life is hard.” “Life isn’t fair.” “That’s just life.” We’ve all heard these phrases, and maybe even used them ourselves. But have we ever stopped to consider their impact?
The phrase “That’s life” can come across as dismissive and uncaring, especially when someone is sharing their struggles or challenges with us. It can make them feel like their problems are being brushed off as just a normal part of life.
While it’s true that life is filled with ups and downs, using this phrase lacks empathy. Instead of dismissing someone’s feelings or struggles, an empathetic approach would be to acknowledge their feelings and offer support.
9) “You always…” or “You never…”
The phrases “You always…” and “You never…” are often used in heated conversations. They are sweeping generalizations that can be damaging, creating a narrative that might not be entirely true.
These statements can make the person on the receiving end feel attacked or defensive, and they do nothing to promote understanding or resolution.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. Instead of resorting to these absolute terms, we should strive for open, honest, and empathetic communication.
