The way most people are raised often directly impacts the way they raise their own kids—if some of those people grew up with parents who weren’t big on showing affection, it can influence their own parenting style as well.
Growing up without parental affection can leave emotional imprints that show up years later, often in unexpected ways.
Parents who once experienced an affection-deficient childhood may unknowingly repeat or counteract these patterns in their own parenting.
By understanding these eight specific behaviors, parents can recognize these tendencies and make more mindful choices to break the cycle.
1) Displaying affection feels unnatural
For many, if they grew up in a household where affection was scant, it might feel strange or awkward to display affection with their own kids.
This doesn’t mean they don’t love them dearly.
It’s just that expressing that love in physical ways—hugs, kisses, cuddles—doesn’t come naturally to them.
They may even feel uncomfortable when their child initiates a cuddle or a hug.
However, it’s not about what feels natural to them but what makes their child feel loved and secure.
2) Finding it hard to empathize
I’ll never forget the day my daughter came home from school crying because she’d had a fight with her best friend.
My first instinct was to tell her to toughen up and not let it bother her.
It took me a moment to realize that this response was a reflection of my own upbringing.
Growing up, my parents never really comforted me when I was upset—they’d tell me to ‘get on with it’ or ‘stop making a fuss’.
I realized then that I was mirroring those same behaviors with my own daughter.
It was difficult for me to empathize with her because I’d never really experienced that empathy from my own parents.
From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to respond differently.
To listen, comfort and empathize when she’s upset, instead of defaulting to the ‘tough love’ approach I grew up with.
It’s been a learning curve, but it’s made our relationship so much stronger!
3) Struggling with self-esteem issues
Did you know that a lack of affection during childhood can often lead to self-esteem issues later in life?
This is because, as children, people tend to equate the amount of affection they’ve received with their worthiness.
If a person didn’t receive much affection from their parents, they might struggle with feelings of unworthiness or constantly seek validation from others—this can translate into their parenting style in various ways.
They may overcompensate by being overly praising, or find it hard to give their child praise due to their own insecurities.
4) Overprotectiveness
If affection was rare in a person’s household growing up, they might find themselves being overly protective with their own children.
They may go above and beyond to ensure their child or children never experience any negative situations or feelings—even to the point of being overly cautious or controlling!
This could stem from their own experiences and the desire to shield them from hardships they faced.
However, it’s crucial for children to experience a range of emotions and situations to develop resilience—thus, balancing protection with freedom is key to healthy parenting.
5) Difficulty expressing emotions
Imagine growing up in a home where emotions were rarely expressed or even discouraged—now imagine trying to teach a child or children about feelings and emotions.
It’s a daunting task, isn’t it?
This is the reality for many parents who didn’t receive much affection from their own parents.
They might find it challenging to discuss emotions, to show vulnerability, or even to say simple things like “I love you” to their children.
But here’s the thing: it’s never too late to learn and change.
These new generation of parents have the power to break this cycle, to encourage open conversations about feelings in their home, and create an emotionally rich environment for their children.
It might be uncomfortable at first, but the payoff is immeasurable!
6) Fear of making mistakes
When I first became a parent, I was terrified of messing up—of not being the perfect parent that I had in my mind.
This fear was rooted in my own upbringing; my parents weren’t big on showing affection, and mistakes were often met with criticism rather than understanding.
As a result, I found myself being overly cautious and anxious when it came to parenting my own children.
I was always second-guessing my decisions, always striving for perfection.
Over time, I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent—all humans make mistakes and that’s okay, it’s how they handle them that matters.
Instead of striving for perfection, I now strive for understanding and patience with myself and my kids.
It’s made parenting a less stressful and more enjoyable journey!
7) Being overly independent
If a person was raised in an environment where affection was minimal, they might’ve learned to be highly self-reliant from a young age; they learned that they needed to take care of themselves because no one else would.
This highly independent streak can carry into their parenting; they might have difficulty asking for help or accepting it when offered.
They might also encourage their children to be overly independent, sometimes overlooking their need for guidance and support.
While independence is an important quality, it’s equally important to teach children about the value of accepting help and working together.
8) The power of change
The most important thing to remember is that their past doesn’t have to dictate the future.
Just because someone didn’t receive much affection from their parents doesn’t mean they’re doomed to repeat the same with their own children.
Being aware of these behaviors is the first step—the second is making the conscious decision to change.
It’s never easy but, with patience and perseverance, they can break the cycle and create a nurturing, affectionate environment for their children.
It’s about being present and making a continuous effort to grow and improve; they have the power to redefine what parenting looks like for them and provide their children with the affection they need.
Final thoughts: The transformative power of love
Understanding human nature and parenting highlights the vital role of love and affection.
Research shows that children who receive affection grow up happier, more resilient, and less anxious—this emotional foundation shapes their self-esteem, relationships, and life outlook.
If someone lacked affection in childhood, know it’s never too late to change; while breaking the cycle is tough, it’s worth the effort.
Becoming more loving and understanding with children not only deepens the bond but can also heal past wounds.
Ultimately, choosing to show affection is a powerful gift that shapes a child’s future.
