We’ve all encountered them – those individuals who put on a sweet exterior, but their true colors aren’t so rosy. I’m talking about people who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t.
The difference between genuine kindness and a façade can be subtle. It’s often displayed through small behaviors that are easy to overlook.
But once you know what to look for, it becomes easier to distinguish the genuinely kind from the fakers. Here are 10 subtle behaviors that people who pretend to be nice typically exhibit.
Let’s dive in.
1) Overdone compliments
In the world of faux niceness, insincere compliments are a common weapon.
These people tend to lay it on thick. They’ll shower you with praises, often for minor or even non-existent achievements. It’s as if they’re trying to win you over with their excessive flattery.
But remember, genuine appreciation is subtler and more specific. It doesn’t feel overblown or disingenuous.
When someone is constantly ladling out praise, it might be time to question their motives. Are they genuinely impressed by your actions? Or are they merely trying to create a positive impression of themselves?
Flattery is a tool often used by those who aren’t as nice as they pretend to be. So, the next time you receive an over-the-top compliment, take a moment to evaluate its sincerity.
2) They’re often absent when you need them
I had this friend, let’s call her Sally. Oh, Sally was a ball of energy and the life of every party. With a constant smile plastered on her face, she was always ready with a warm hug or a funny joke.
But when times got tough, Sally was nowhere to be found. The one time I needed her, when I was going through a bad breakup, she disappeared. She didn’t respond to my calls or texts for days. Her excuse was always that she was “too busy.”
It’s easy to be around in the good times, but true friends show up during the hard times too. If someone is consistently absent when you need support or help, it might be a sign that their niceness doesn’t run deep.
This behavior taught me a valuable lesson: People who are genuinely nice don’t just show up for the fun stuff, they’re there for you when you need them the most.
3) They rarely show empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a cornerstone of genuine kindness. However, people who are pretending to be nice often struggle with this.
A study conducted by the University of Birmingham found that individuals who display fake kindness often have a hard time empathizing with others. They might nod and smile, but they fail to really understand or connect with your feelings.
Without empathy, their kindness is just a performance. It’s a sign that their niceness might be more about keeping up appearances than being truly concerned about your well-being.
4) They gossip a lot
We all know that person who always seems to have the latest scoop on everyone. While it might seem harmless and even entertaining at first, continuous gossiping is a common trait of people who pretend to be nice.
These individuals often use gossip as a way to create alliances and maintain their image of niceness. By sharing secrets or negative information about others, they try to build a bond with you, making you feel like you’re in an exclusive circle.
However, constant gossiping shows a lack of respect for others’ privacy. It also raises the question: If they’re talking about others this way, what are they saying about you when you’re not around?
Genuinely nice people uplift others instead of bringing them down. So, if someone is constantly dishing out the latest dirt, their niceness might not be all that it seems.
5) They’re only nice when they want something
Have you ever noticed someone being especially nice to you when they need a favor? Perhaps their tone becomes sweeter, their compliments more frequent, or they suddenly show an interest in your life.
This behavior is typical of people who pretend to be nice. Their kindness comes with strings attached. They use it as currency, expecting to cash it in when they need something.
On the other hand, genuinely nice people extend their kindness without expecting anything in return. They’re consistent in their behavior, whether they need a favor or not.
If you notice someone’s niceness fluctuating based on what they need from you, it may be a sign that their kindness isn’t genuine.
6) They don’t respect your boundaries
Respecting boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. It’s about understanding and acknowledging that everyone has their own emotional and physical space that shouldn’t be intruded upon.
Unfortunately, people who pretend to be nice often disregard this. They might make you feel guilty for saying ‘no’, or constantly push your limits under the guise of friendship or concern.
I remember a time when a friend kept insisting I attend a party I didn’t feel comfortable going to. She didn’t respect my decision to stay in, which made me feel pressured and uncomfortable.
Genuinely nice people respect your boundaries. They understand that no means no, and they respect your decisions even when they don’t align with their desires.
7) They’re quick to take credit
A while back, I was working on a project with a colleague who seemed extremely friendly and helpful. We worked together closely, and I thought we made a good team. But when it came time to present our work, he took all the credit for our combined efforts.
This is a classic move by people who aren’t as nice as they seem. They’re quick to step up and bask in the glory when things go well, but they’re nowhere to be found when things go south. They use the hard work of others to boost their own image.
Genuinely nice people share credit where it’s due. They acknowledge the contributions of others and don’t use them as stepping stones to their own success.
8) They’re always agreeing with you
It might seem like a good thing at first, someone who always agrees with you and supports your ideas. But constant agreement isn’t always a sign of a true friend.
People who pretend to be nice often avoid disagreements at all costs. They’ll nod along with everything you say, even if they have a different opinion. They do this to maintain their image of niceness and avoid any potential conflict.
But in doing so, they rob you of authentic conversations and meaningful interactions. Genuine people aren’t afraid to express their thoughts and engage in healthy debates. They value honesty over false agreement.
9) They’re overly defensive
People who are genuinely nice are open to feedback. They understand that everyone makes mistakes, and they’re willing to learn and grow from them.
However, people who only pretend to be nice often react differently. They become overly defensive when faced with criticism, even if it’s constructive. They might blame others, make excuses, or deflect the conversation entirely.
Their defensiveness is a way to maintain their image of being nice and faultless. But it also shows a lack of self-awareness and an unwillingness to improve.
10) They exhibit passive-aggressive behavior
Perhaps one of the most telling signs of a person pretending to be nice is passive-aggressiveness. It’s a subtle yet destructive form of behavior that they use to express their dissatisfaction or anger without directly confronting the issue.
They might make snide remarks, give backhanded compliments, or use sarcasm in ways that seem friendly on the surface but are actually hurtful.
Passive-aggressiveness is a way for them to maintain their nice façade while expressing their true feelings in a covert way. Genuine people, on the other hand, communicate openly and directly.
Final thoughts: It’s all about authenticity
Aauthentic kindness doesn’t come with hidden agendas or ulterior motives. Genuine people are consistent, respectful, empathetic, and honest. They don’t use niceness as a tool for manipulation but as an expression of their character.
Navigating the world with this awareness allows you to surround yourself with genuinely nice individuals. It empowers you to form healthier relationships, those that are built on mutual respect and authenticity.
So next time you cross paths with someone excessively nice, take a moment to reflect on their behavior. Are they genuinely kind, or is there more than meets the eye?
