The need for approval is a deeply human experience.
We all want to feel valued, appreciated, and accepted.
But for some, this desire becomes a driving force, subtly shaping their behaviors and interactions in ways that go beyond simply fishing for compliments.
If you’ve ever wondered why someone seems overly eager to please, constantly seeks reassurance, or downplays their accomplishments, you’re not alone.
These behaviors, while often subtle, can signal a deeper yearning for validation and acceptance.
In this article, we’ll delve into the 9 nuanced signs that someone might be secretly craving approval, so that we might cultivate greater empathy and compassion, both for ourselves and those around us.
1) They’re people pleasers
Craving approval often manifests in a constant need to please.
It’s like they have a built-in radar for other people’s desires.
These folks are typically the first to volunteer, the last to leave, and are always eager to lend a hand.
Their thought process? If they can make themselves indispensable, they’ll gain that sought-after approval.
But there’s a fine line between being genuinely helpful and bending over backwards for validation.
This ‘people pleasing’ behavior is often a telltale sign of an underlying need for approval. It’s subtle, but once you know what to look for, it becomes clear as day.
The key is to not mistake their kindness for weakness.
They’re not pushovers—they’re just in search of validation, and understanding this can change the way you interact with them.
Just remember, everyone seeks approval in their own way.
2) They’re overly apologetic
Here’s a personal tale.
My friend, let’s call her Anna, always apologized—for everything.
If she was a minute late, she’d apologize profusely. If she misunderstood a joke, she’d apologize. If she interrupted someone by mistake, she’d apologize like she committed a grave mistake.
At first, I thought Anna was just excessively polite.
But over time, I noticed this pattern of constant apologizing was her way of seeking approval.
It was as if she believed that by saying sorry, she could ward off any negative judgement or criticism.
This subtle behavior is another indicator of a secret approval craving.
The fear of disapproval often leads to an overuse of apologies, even when they’re not warranted.
It’s their way of ensuring they’re in everyone’s good books.
But the truth is, there’s no need to apologize for simply being human.
We all make mistakes after all, don’t we?
3) They constantly seek validation
Validation—it’s like a drug for those who secretly crave approval.
They strive for it in their work, their relationships, and even their personal hobbies.
Did you know that studies have shown that receiving validation lights up the same parts of the brain associated with physical pleasure?
It’s like a shot of mental dopamine, giving us that feel-good boost.
People secretly longing for approval often seek validation as a way of confirming their self-worth.
They might fish for compliments or constantly check for responses on their social media posts.
It’s not just about feeling good—it’s about feeling accepted and valued.
But ultimately, self-worth shouldn’t be tied to external validation.
It’s something we need to cultivate from within.
4) They avoid conflict like the plague
Conflict is a part of life.
It’s inevitable, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing—it can lead to growth and understanding.
But for those who secretly crave approval, conflict is their worst nightmare.
They’d rather swallow their own thoughts and feelings than risk displeasing someone.
They might agree with opinions they don’t actually share or refrain from expressing their own ideas out of fear of rejection or disapproval.
But this can lead to resentment and an unfulfilled life.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to disagree and that healthy conflict can actually strengthen relationships.
Approval should never come at the cost of one’s own voice and authenticity.
5) They constantly compare themselves to others
Comparison can be a double-edged sword.
While it can sometimes serve as motivation, it can also fuel feelings of inadequacy.
For those who secretly crave approval, comparisons often fall into the latter category.
Whether it’s scrolling through picture-perfect lives on social media or measuring their achievements against their peers, these individuals are always looking outwards for a benchmark of success.
But remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and the only person we should really compare ourselves to is who we were yesterday.
This way, we focus on our own growth and progress, rather than seeking approval by matching up to someone else’s standards.
6) They struggle with self-acceptance
At the heart of it all, those who secretly crave approval often grapple with accepting themselves.
They may feel that they’re not good enough, smart enough, or successful enough unless others affirm it (often otherwise known as imposter syndrome).
This struggle is often quiet and internal, but it influences their actions and decisions.
It’s like they’re always trying to fill a void with external approval.
But here’s the truth: each one of us is beautifully unique, with our own strengths and flaws.
Self-acceptance isn’t about being flawless; it’s about embracing who we are, with all our imperfections.
Once we truly accept ourselves, the need for external approval starts to fade away.
Because in the end, we are enough, just as we are.
7) They’re often indecisive
I remember a time when I’d agonize over the simplest decisions.
Choosing a restaurant, picking a movie, deciding on a vacation spot—everything felt like a monumental task.
I was terrified of making the wrong choice and disappointing someone.
Looking back, I now understand that my indecisiveness was rooted in my hidden desire for approval.
I was so worried about others’ opinions that I’d lose sight of my own preferences.
Indecisiveness can be a subtle sign of approval-seeking behavior.
It’s not that these individuals can’t make decisions; they’re just too concerned about others’ reactions.
But it’s important to remember that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them—that’s how we grow.
At the end of the day, our choices should reflect our true desires, not just what we think others want.
8) They often downplay their achievements
Ever come across someone who brushes off their accomplishments as no big deal or just luck?
That could be a subtle sign of approval-seeking behavior.
These individuals often downplay their achievements, fearing that acknowledging them might come off as boastful or arrogant.
They’re constantly walking on eggshells, worried about how others perceive them.
But it’s okay to take pride in our accomplishments.
Celebrating our wins doesn’t make us arrogant; it’s a testament to our hard work and determination.
The next time you come across someone who’s hesitant to acknowledge their achievements, remind them it’s okay to give themselves a pat on the back.
They’ve earned it!
9) They have a hard time saying ‘No’
The two-letter word ‘No’ can be incredibly powerful.
It sets boundaries, protects our energy, and allows us to prioritize what truly matters.
But for those who crave approval, saying ‘No’ can feel like an insurmountable task.
They often agree to things at the expense of their own time and comfort, fearing that saying ‘No’ might lead to disapproval or disappointment.
But here’s the thing: it’s okay to put ourselves first.
Saying ‘No’ doesn’t make us selfish or unkind – it makes us human.
After all, we cannot pour from an empty cup—sometimes, the most selfless thing we can do is to take care of ourselves first.
The heart of the matter
The quiet quest for approval can often mask a deeper longing for connection and belonging.
It’s a reminder that even in a world seemingly overflowing with social interaction, many of us still struggle with feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
By understanding these subtle behaviors, we can extend a hand of empathy and support to those around us.
Let’s create a space where vulnerability is met with kindness, and where everyone feels safe to embrace their true selves, without the constant need for external validation.
