It’s Lachlan Brown here, founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast.
Today, I want to talk about something that has always intrigued me – how some individuals manage to grow up kind and empathetic despite having a rough childhood.
Growing up wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me. I was raised in a broken home, where love and kindness were commodities often in short supply. Yet, here I am, still doing my best to spread positivity and understanding wherever I can.
I used to wonder how I ended up this way. And it wasn’t until I delved into the world of psychology that I discovered the answer.
In this article, I will be sharing these traits with you, hoping that it will ignite personal growth and foster resilience in all areas of your life.
So, let’s dive right in!
1) Resilience
One of the most common traits found in those who grow up kind despite a challenging upbringing is resilience. And let me tell you, this wasn’t something I was born with.
Growing up, I faced my share of hardships. But instead of letting those experiences harden me, I used them as stepping stones to foster my resilience.
Resilience isn’t just about bouncing back from tough times. It’s about learning from those experiences and growing stronger as a result.
In psychology, this is often referred to as “post-traumatic growth“, where individuals not only recover from adversity but also develop new skills, relationships, or strengths in the process.
But how does one cultivate resilience?
It starts with a shift in perspective. Instead of seeing adversity as a setback, view it as an opportunity for growth. Take time to reflect on your experiences and find the lessons within them.
Understand that it’s okay to feel upset or hurt, but remember that these feelings are not permanent.
2) Empathy
Growing up, I was often on the receiving end of unkindness. I knew how it felt to be hurt, and I didn’t want anyone else to experience that. This is where my sense of empathy stemmed from.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and feeling their pain or joy as if it were your own.
I remember reading a quote from renowned psychologist Carl Rogers who said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
This quote resonated with me deeply. I realized that by practicing empathy, not only was I able to understand others better, but I also provided them with a safe space where they could express themselves freely.
Practicing empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree with everyone or endure unacceptable behavior.
It’s about acknowledging others’ feelings and experiences, offering comfort when needed, and fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
3) Self-awareness
Self-awareness is another key trait that I’ve found in individuals who are kind despite a difficult childhood.
Growing up, I often felt like I was just reacting to life, rather than actively participating in it. I was letting my past dictate my present and future, and it was taking a toll on my overall happiness.
That’s when I started practicing self-awareness. This meant taking time to understand my thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Why was I reacting in certain ways? What were the triggers that would set me off?
As I developed self-awareness, I began to understand that my tough childhood had left me with certain emotional responses that weren’t serving me well. I was carrying anger and resentment that were only hurting me.
Once I became aware of these destructive patterns, I could start to change them. Instead of reacting out of anger or frustration, I learned to respond with kindness and understanding.
Self-awareness didn’t come easy. It took a lot of introspection and honesty with myself. But the results were worth it. By recognizing and understanding my emotional patterns, I was able to break free from them and choose kindness instead.
4) Optimism
Optimism, the ability to maintain a positive outlook regardless of circumstances, is another characteristic I’ve found in those who turn out kind despite a difficult childhood.
As someone who grew up in less than ideal conditions, it would have been easy for me to become cynical and pessimistic. But I chose a different path.
I chose to believe in the potential for good in every situation and every person. This optimistic lens shaped my interactions with others and fostered my capacity for kindness.
And there’s scientific evidence to back this up.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that optimism can increase kindness. The researchers discovered that optimists were more likely to help others and engage in prosocial behavior.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore reality or dismiss genuine concerns. Rather, it’s about focusing on potential positive outcomes and maintaining hope.
Cultivating optimism has been a pivotal part of my journey towards kindness. It can be challenging at times, especially when life throws curveballs your way.
But the impact it can have on your mindset and interactions with others makes it worth it.
5) Forgiveness
With a troubled upbringing, I carried a lot of resentment and bitterness towards those who had wronged me. I held onto grudges, thinking that in doing so, I was somehow punishing those who had hurt me.
But all it did was create more pain and anger within me. Then I realized the true power of forgiveness.
Forgiveness wasn’t about letting others off the hook for their wrongdoings, but about setting myself free from the burden of carrying negative emotions. It was about choosing kindness over resentment.
Once I began to practice forgiveness, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I found it easier to interact with others without the shadow of past wrongs looming over me.
But forgiveness isn’t just about others. It’s also about forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and understanding that we too are human and prone to errors.
Embracing forgiveness has allowed me to cultivate kindness within myself and extend it to others, regardless of my past. It’s a powerful tool for personal growth and emotional healing.
6) Gratitude
Another key trait I’ve discovered in those who remain kind despite a rough childhood is gratitude.
I remember when I first started practicing gratitude, it felt a little strange. After all, I had grown up in an environment where focusing on what was lacking seemed more natural than appreciating what was present.
But as I began to consciously count my blessings, I noticed a shift in my mindset. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, I was able to see the silver linings.
By adopting an attitude of gratitude, I found myself feeling happier and more content. It also made me more compassionate and understanding toward others.
Gratitude helped me see beyond my difficult past and appreciate the present, fostering a greater capacity for kindness. It’s a simple practice, but its impact can be profound.
So, if you’re looking to cultivate kindness despite past hardships, start by acknowledging the good in your life. You might be surprised by how much there is to be grateful for.
7) Boundary-setting
This might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t kindness about being open and accommodating to others?
While that’s true to an extent, I’ve found that those who remain kind despite a difficult childhood often practice healthy boundary setting. And I can vouch for this from personal experience.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out or being unkind. It’s about respecting your own needs and ensuring others respect them too.
In the past, I would often bend over backward to please others, often at the expense of my own well-being. But over time, I realized that constantly compromising my needs wasn’t really kindness; it was self-neglect.
Learning to set boundaries allowed me to preserve my emotional energy and maintain a healthier balance in my relationships. It made me more capable of offering genuine kindness without feeling drained or taken advantage of.
Conclusion
Growing kind despite a tough childhood is not an easy journey, but it’s definitely a rewarding one.
But remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires patience and commitment. Start small, take one step at a time, and celebrate your progress along the way.
My advice? Pick one trait from this list that resonates with you the most and start working on it. Once you feel comfortable with it, move on to the next one.
Remember, you are not defined by your past. You have the power to shape your future.
And with these traits in your toolkit, you’re well equipped to cultivate kindness in your life and spread it to others.
