Self-esteem is a funny thing. It sits quietly in our minds, shaping our actions and behavior without us even noticing.
Poor self-esteem can be sneaky, leading us to act in ways we don’t even realize. We might think we’re just being ourselves, but our low self-esteem is pulling the strings in the background.
It’s true – folks with low self-esteem often exhibit certain behaviors that give them away, even if they’re not conscious of it.
In this article, we’ll look at 10 behaviors that people with low self-esteem display without even realizing it.
Let’s get started.
1) Constantly seeking validation
We all appreciate a pat on the back every now and then. It’s human nature to want to feel valued and appreciated.
But individuals with low self-esteem often take this to the next level. They’re constantly seeking validation, in a way that goes beyond the typical desire for recognition.
This could take the form of frequently asking for reassurance, or always needing others to approve their decisions. They may also rely heavily on compliments to feel good about themselves.
The tricky part is, they often don’t realize they’re doing it. It’s not that they’re intentionally fishing for compliments or approval. It’s just that their low self-esteem has conditioned them to seek external validation as a way to boost their internal sense of worth.
Spotting this behavior is the first step towards understanding it and eventually, overcoming it. Remember, self-worth should come from within, not from the opinions of others.
2) Downplaying achievements
People with low self-esteem have a knack for downplaying their achievements. They often shrug off their successes as being the result of luck or timing, rather than their hard work or talent.
I’ve seen this in my own life too. I remember when I got my first article published in a major publication. Instead of celebrating, I found myself saying things like “I just got lucky” or “They probably just needed to fill space.”
Looking back, I realize that this was a clear sign of my low self-esteem at work. It took me a while to recognize that I was belittling my own achievements and to start giving myself the credit I deserved.
If you find yourself brushing off your own accomplishments, it might be a sign of low self-esteem. Don’t be afraid to take credit for your hard work!
3) Avoiding conflict
People with low self-esteem often go to great lengths to avoid conflicts. They might agree with others even when they don’t really, or refrain from expressing their true feelings or opinions for fear of upsetting someone.
Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Personality found a strong correlation between low self-esteem and conflict avoidance. This behavior is often rooted in a fear of rejection or criticism, which people with low self-esteem tend to be particularly sensitive to.
Avoiding conflict might seem like an easy way out, but it can lead to a build-up of resentment and frustration over time. It’s important to remember that healthy disagreement is a normal part of any relationship.
4) Negative self-talk
How we talk to ourselves matters. It’s like a running commentary on our lives, shaping our self-perception and influencing our actions.
For those with low self-esteem, this internal dialogue often leans towards the negative. They might constantly criticize themselves, focus on their flaws, or predict failure before they even try.
This negative self-talk can be a major roadblock to self-improvement and success. It can keep people stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and inaction, preventing them from realizing their full potential.
Breaking free from this cycle involves becoming aware of this negative self-talk and consciously working to replace it with more positive, empowering messages.
5) Fear of failure
Failure is a part of life. It’s how we learn and grow. But for people with low self-esteem, the fear of failure can be crippling.
They might avoid trying new things or stepping out of their comfort zone because they’re scared of making mistakes or not being good enough. They worry that failure would confirm their negative beliefs about themselves.
This fear can limit their opportunities and prevent them from reaching their goals. It’s important to remember that everybody fails sometimes. What matters is how we respond to it. Instead of seeing failure as a confirmation of inadequacy, see it as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
6) Difficulty accepting compliments
Compliments are meant to make us feel good. They’re tokens of appreciation for our efforts or acknowledgment of our qualities. But for people with low self-esteem, accepting compliments can be a real struggle.
They might shrug them off, deny them or even question the motives behind them. It’s like they can’t believe that someone could genuinely see something positive in them.
This behavior can be heartbreaking to witness because everyone deserves to recognize and accept their value. If you find it hard to accept compliments, try to challenge that instinctive denial. Let the kind words in and allow yourself to feel good about them. You deserve it!
7) Perfectionism
Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait, a sign of high standards and a commitment to excellence. But when it stems from low self-esteem, it can do more harm than good.
People with low self-esteem often feel that they need to be perfect to be worthy of love or respect. They set impossibly high standards for themselves and beat themselves up when they don’t meet them.
I’ve spent many nights working late trying to get every detail just right, only to feel like a failure when I couldn’t meet my own unrealistic expectations. It was exhausting and demoralizing.
It’s important to strive for excellence, but it’s also crucial to recognize that nobody is perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes and have flaws. That’s what makes us human.
8) Overcompensation
It might sound odd, but sometimes people with low self-esteem can appear overly confident or boastful. This is a classic case of overcompensation.
They might brag about their achievements, exaggerate their abilities or constantly seek the spotlight. This can be a defense mechanism, an attempt to mask their insecurities and make themselves feel better.
But beneath this façade of confidence, they often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Understanding this behavior can help you recognize it for what it is – a cry for self-assurance rather than a sign of arrogance.
9) Difficulty saying no
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and a positive sense of self. But for those with low self-esteem, saying no can be a major challenge.
They might frequently agree to things they don’t want to do, or let others take advantage of them. They worry about disappointing people or being disliked.
This constant people-pleasing can be exhausting and can lead to feelings of resentment. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no. Your needs and feelings are just as important as everyone else’s.
10) Little self-care
Self-care is not just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. But for people with low self-esteem, self-care can often take a backseat.
They might neglect their needs, put others first all the time, or feel guilty for taking time for themselves. They might believe they don’t deserve to be taken care of.
But the truth is, self-care is not a luxury. It’s a necessity. And everyone, no matter what their self-esteem level, has the right to take care of their well-being.
