Ever notice how some people seem to have plenty of acquaintances but very few real friends? It’s not always intentional—sometimes, certain behaviors push people away without them even realizing it.
Real friendships take more than just time; they require trust, openness, and effort. But when someone struggles to build deep connections, it often comes down to subtle habits that make it harder for others to truly connect with them.
The tricky part? These behaviors usually feel normal to the person doing them.
If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to struggle with close friendships, or if you’ve felt distant from others yourself, it’s worth paying attention to these patterns.
Recognizing them is the first step toward building stronger, more meaningful relationships. Let’s dive in.
1) They rarely open up about their true feelings
One of the biggest barriers to deep friendships is emotional distance.
People who struggle with close connections often keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves, either out of fear of being judged or simply because they’re used to handling everything on their own.
They might have plenty of surface-level conversations, but when it comes to sharing real emotions—whether it’s excitement, disappointment, or vulnerability—they hold back.
The problem is, true friendships are built on trust and openness. If someone never lets others in, it’s hard for people to feel truly connected to them.
If this sounds familiar, try taking small steps toward sharing more of your thoughts and emotions with the people you trust. You might be surprised at how it deepens your relationships.
2) They don’t reach out unless they need something
I used to be guilty of this without even realizing it.
I was always busy, juggling work and responsibilities, so I rarely checked in with friends just to chat. When I did reach out, it was usually because I needed advice, help with something, or just someone to vent to.
At the time, I didn’t think much of it—I assumed my friends knew I cared about them. But over time, I noticed that some friendships started to fade.
People stopped reaching out as often, and conversations felt more distant. It wasn’t until someone pointed it out that I realized how one-sided my interactions had become.
Friendships aren’t just about support in tough times; they’re also about celebrating wins, sharing random thoughts, and simply enjoying each other’s company.
If you only reach out when you need something, people may start feeling like they’re being used rather than valued as true friends.
3) They struggle to truly listen in conversations
Good listeners make great friends, but not everyone realizes when they’re not fully present in a conversation.
Some people are so focused on what they’ll say next that they don’t actually absorb what the other person is saying. Others unintentionally steer conversations back to themselves, making it feel like a one-sided exchange.
The truth is, people tend to feel closer to those who make them feel heard and understood.
In fact, studies have shown that when someone actively listens—by asking thoughtful questions, maintaining eye contact, and responding with genuine interest—their conversation partner will often walk away feeling a stronger bond, even after just one interaction.
If friendships feel distant or superficial, it might help to pay closer attention to how you engage in conversations. Sometimes, the simple act of listening can be the key to building deeper connections.
4) They shut people out when life gets tough
Resilient people know that challenges are easier to face with a strong support system, but those who struggle with deep friendships often do the opposite—they withdraw.
Instead of leaning on others during difficult times, they isolate themselves, convinced they have to handle everything alone.
In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I talk about how true resilience isn’t about going through hardships alone—it’s about knowing when to seek support and allowing others to be there for you.
Pushing people away may feel like self-protection, but in reality, it creates distance and weakens relationships over time.
Letting others in doesn’t mean being dependent—it means recognizing that strong friendships are built on mutual trust and support.
When you open up during tough times, you not only strengthen your own resilience but also deepen the bonds with those who genuinely care about you.
5) They downplay their own accomplishments
For a long time, compliments made me uncomfortable. Whenever someone praised my work or acknowledged something I achieved, my instinct was to brush it off—“Oh, it’s nothing” or “I just got lucky.”
I thought I was being humble, but over time, I noticed something strange: people stopped celebrating my wins with me.
The truth is, friendships thrive on shared joy just as much as they do on support during tough times. When someone constantly downplays their successes, it can create a disconnect. Others might feel like their encouragement doesn’t matter or that they aren’t really part of the journey.
It’s not about bragging—it’s about allowing the people in your life to genuinely celebrate you. When you let others share in your wins, it strengthens the bond and makes friendships feel more meaningful.
6) They are too agreeable
It seems like being easygoing and agreeable would make someone more likable, but when it comes to deep friendships, always going along with what others want can actually have the opposite effect.
People who never express their own opinions, preferences, or boundaries often struggle to form real connections because their relationships lack authenticity.
True friendships aren’t built on constant harmony—they grow through honesty, respect, and even the occasional disagreement. When someone is too agreeable, others may feel like they don’t really know them on a deeper level.
Over time, this can make interactions feel shallow or even one-sided.
Being agreeable isn’t a bad thing, but strong friendships require more than just keeping the peace. Sharing your thoughts, standing up for your needs, and being honest about what you want in a relationship helps build trust and mutual understanding.
7) They struggle to accept help from others
Some people are always willing to help others but feel uncomfortable when the roles are reversed.
They insist they’re “fine” even when they’re struggling, or they downplay their problems to avoid burdening anyone. While this might seem like independence, it can actually create distance in friendships.
Friendships thrive on reciprocity—when someone constantly refuses help, it can make others feel like they’re being kept at arm’s length. People want to feel needed and valued in a relationship, not just as someone to lean on but as someone who can offer support in return.
Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a way to strengthen bonds. Letting others show up for you builds trust and deepens connections in ways that simple conversations never could.
8) They avoid making the first move in friendships
For the longest time, I assumed that if someone wanted to talk to me, they would reach out.
I rarely texted first, rarely made plans, and figured that if a friendship was real, it would naturally maintain itself. What I didn’t realize was that many people feel the same way—waiting for someone else to take the initiative.
The truth is, friendships don’t just happen; they require effort from both sides. If you always wait for others to reach out, you might unintentionally give the impression that you’re not interested in a deeper connection.
Over time, this can cause friendships to fade, not because there was a lack of connection, but because no one took the step to nurture it.
Reaching out first doesn’t mean being pushy—it’s simply showing that you value the relationship. A simple message, an invitation to grab coffee, or even just checking in can go a long way in keeping friendships strong.
9) They don’t let people see the real them
The deepest friendships are built on authenticity, but many people unknowingly hide parts of themselves out of fear—fear of judgment, rejection, or simply not being understood.
They present a version of themselves they think others will like, keeping their true thoughts, quirks, and struggles tucked away.
But real friendships can’t form when there’s a wall between you and the people in your life. Connection comes from honesty—showing up as you are, flaws and all.
When you let people see the real you, you give them the chance to truly know you. And that’s where genuine friendships begin.
Bottom line: Connection starts with awareness
The way we interact with others isn’t always as intentional as we think.
Sometimes, the very habits that feel natural—staying guarded, avoiding vulnerability, or waiting for others to make the first move—are the same ones that keep deep connections at a distance.
Friendships don’t just happen; they grow through effort, honesty, and a willingness to be seen.
Building meaningful relationships also requires resilience—the ability to step outside of comfort zones, face fears of rejection, and open up even when it feels risky.
In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I explore how mental strength isn’t just about enduring hardship but also about fostering the kind of connections that truly enrich our lives.
At the end of the day, the people who matter most aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for authenticity—for someone willing to show up, be real, and let them in.
